Nibbles
by Sanis
Summary: “Did you pull that out of your bra?” Alucard asked, disgusted and enthusiastic. “What else do you keep in there?” This follows the lives of those in the Hellsing. AU...kinda.
1. A Strange Begining

Of all the things that never should have happened, this was at the very top of the list. Alucard tied to a bed by the neck, held by blessed rope.

"I'm sorry Alucard, it must be done."

"Yes Master," was his tight reply. He'd voiced his feelings about this…fiasco; he knew she didn't like it any more than he did.

"Put this on, it will help," Integra handed him a pair of leather pants with a grimace on her face. She was never going to forget this night; it really was an act beyond the realms of sanity, even by her standards.

"I don't understand how-", he started, but Integra stopped him.

"None of you whining, I'll not take it. You must serve your Queen and country, I demand it."

"This is not serving Master! This is prostitution!" Alucard looked angry and a bit shaken. "If I'm going to be fornicating with every godamn hussy that you throw at me I'm going to want better benefits."

"Alucard, don't be a prude, she's not a hussy," she countered. "Besides, it's hardly prostitution. We're not being paid."

"We're not being paid? Oh, thank you. You've volunteered me to be a man slut. That's exactly the sort of thing I'm looking to add to my resume."

"You've been with hundreds of women, what's one more?"

"_You _wouldn't understand. I have standards Integra! This is ruining my badass image!"

Integra looked him up and down. Yes, he was ready.

"…I refuse to do this, put me back in the dungeon. Better yet, let me go get some silver bullets…"

Integra continued to eye him, scrutinizing him as if looking for something.

"…please, just put me out of my misery. I've lived long enough, really. I don't mind…"

Then, as if it hit her across the head, the unmistakable realization of what she needed to make him look like a complete and total sex god.

"Walter," she yelled into the general direction of the hall from the guest bedroom. "I need body oil."

"What?" yelped Alucard. "What are you planning Master? You damn well not be thinking of lubrication, I am not doing anal. Period."

"Don't be stupid, Alucard. We need to put it on your skin, make you look nice and… moist."

"_Moist_?"

"Walter! Body oil! Now!"

"…Master, do you know what happen when people have sex? Hmm?"

Integra appeared to be ignoring him, tapping her foot impatiently, waiting for Walter to arrive with their last minute touch.

"…I'll tell you my dear innocent virgin master. It's quite messy really. People get naked and sweaty and grunt and push unsuspecting appendages into each other, like tongues and fingers and what ever else they can find. Then they proceed to grind and squeeze and make horrible faces until one of them squirts out one of various liquids or they pass out. It's very complicated. You really can't do it with just anyone-"

_Bang_

Walter entered the room at a brusque pace with a bottle in tow.

"…let alone someone old, baggy and unattractive…"

Alucard's pleas fell on a deaf ears as Integra and Walter began to converse.

"I'm sorry Sir Integra, we don't seem to have any body oil, but we have vegetable oil. I think that will do the trick, don't you?"

"…what was that about oil? I told you Master, I am not doing anal!"

"Yes, thank you Walter. That should do just fine," Integra said. "Will you help me put it on him? I think one of us might have to hold him down, he doesn't seem to want to take orders tonight."

"…is this punishment for that severed head I left in your toilet a few months back? I told you I was sorry!"

"Yes, he's just nervous. It's probably jitters talking. Some males have pressure performing under pressure," answered Walter knowingly.

"WHAT? I do NOT have performance jitters Walter! I am a sex machine. However, although my libido may be strong, not even I enjoy fucking a GIANT WRINKLE!"

"Don't be absurd Alucard," he said to the shackled creature. Then to Integra "He's always had a crush on the woman. He really is excited, he just doesn't want you to know it, he's afraid you might judge him, he is really quite sensitive deep down."

At this Alucard actually let his jaw fall. Had the whole damn world gone mad?

"I'm sure she'll be gentle with him. She's _that_ kind of woman," Walter supplied to Integra.

"I just hope she's quick, I have work I need him to do. He can't be having all fun and games all night."

Alucard was actually starting to hyperventilate on the bed.

"Oh, look at that! He's preparing with deep breathing exercises, what a splendid idea! I hear it can really improve the performance," Walter said, looking impressed.

"Huh," said Integra. It was plain she'd never thought about such frivolous activities before. "I don't care what he does as long as he doesn't disappoint her. Hellsing needs her as an ally; it won't do to be sending her off half baked."

"Oh, Alucard is quite thorough," supplied Walter. Integra looked at him suspiciously.

In the corner next to the bed the phone began to ring. Alucard jumped over to answer it.

"Please, you have to help me! It's gang rape! They're going to-"

He would have gone on, but Walter snatched the receiver out of his hands.

"Hello…ah… yes…we're quite prepared…oh I guarantee it will be the most satisfying birthday you've had in a few decades…oh, very experienced… of course you can bring toys… whips are fine… ten minutes?...splendid, see you then," Walter hung up the phone as Alucard started chewing on the ropes.

Integra threw the bottle of vegetable oil at him.

"That was the Queen," said Walter, an impish grin playing on his face. "She'll be here shortly, and she's brining some personal artifacts."

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

Integra sat up quickly in her bed, her eyes wide. She'd had the most bizarre dream. It had been the queen and …Alucard? No, that was insanity. Even for a dream.

She sat up and reached over for her glasses. A dream like that deserved a drink. She threw her legs over the side of the bed and onto the cold floor. Her digital alarm clock read 2:30 AM. Normally she'd be up, but tonight she'd decided to catch up on some rest. (Actually she was very politely offered an ultimatum by Walter to get some rest, or he was going slip her something through her tea, but she refused to acknowledge the fact.)

She crossed the floor to the other end of the room to an empty hearth, a couple overstuffed chairs and a bottle of amber liquid. Yes, alcohol seemed to answer many of life's little problems. It was one of her rare indulgences.

She sat up straight in the chair. The room was cold and dark. In the distance he could hear thunder. It was just as well that she be up really. Soon Alucard would be back from the mission she sent him on hours previous. It usually took him only a few minutes to silence a target, but he took his sweet time getting home.

Home. That's what Hellsing was to her. Her home, her legacy. To be passed on through the ages from one generation to the next, as long as time would permit. This was her fate.

Sometimes, on late nights like these, she would let her mind wander. Let herself think "what if?" It was another rare indulgence, much more so than Scotch or cigars.

As of late it had started becoming more and more obvious that she was without heir or husband, the Knights were especially enjoying pressing the issue. They had even gone as far as to threaten to pick a life mate for her. She, in turn, threatened to let Alucard eat all of them. They didn't forget about the topic though, they found ways of getting their message across loud and clear. She understood quite plainly, she would procreate, or her organization would be taken from her. Yes, that would be horrible. She poured herself another un numbered glass.

Just as she was letting herself become thoroughly depressed and planning on drinking until she passed out in the chair her fireplace sprung to life and out walked Alucard from the flames. Integra didn't even bother jumping.

"Master," acknowledged Alucard.

"Servant," she replied out of habit.

"I thought you retired for the evening."

"Nightmares," sated Integra simply.

"Ah," he responded, knowing all too well.

Integra watched him gently fluff a pillow and arrange it before sitting down.

"Please don't leave any blood from your clothes on my furniture."

Alucard looked hurt, "Master, cleanliness is Godliness."

Integra snorted at his pun. She was too tired to tell him to get the hell out, besides, she could use some company.

"Were they that bad?"

"What," she asked.

"The nightmares."

She looked at him, debating whether or not to tell him the truth.

"No, just slightly disturbing."

He looked at her, she looked into the fire. The way it reflected in her eyes made him shiver slightly. He chose not to name why. She was upset by something and he knew it.

"What's on your mind, Master?" After a while he thought she wasn't going to answer, but he was wrong.

"The Knights."

Alucard frowned a little.

"Did you threaten to have me eat them?"

Integra threw her head back and laughed. She smiled at Alucard and composed herself.

"They want a dammed heir."

"Fools, they complain about how you run things, but they can't wait to get your spawn."

They sat a moment. Integra wanted to go to bed.

"They just want to make me vulnerable," she said after a moment.

"Or they want someone else who would be easy to manipulate."

"Bastards," Integra's voice was full of venom. Wasn't it enough that she gave her life to the jackals, did they have to claim her descendents too?

"Don't worry Integra," said Alucard as if reading her mind. "I won't let any child of yours be so easily cast aside, nor will it be if it is truly your child."

"Shut-up," she didn't want to hear about him and her offspring. She wanted rest.

The thunder outside had grown closer and the sound of rain could be heard from outside. Periodically lightening would flash into the room, illuminating the two figures inside.

"I have a plan," said Integra. "Alucard, I order you to impregnate me!"

Integra stood up quickly and seemed to sway a little on the spot.

Alucard stared at her. The opportunity was almost too good to pass up, however some small part of him wouldn't let him do what his carnal being demanded.

"Sit down Integra; you've had too much to drink."

"Did you hear me? I gave you a direct order!"

She pointed a finger at him as if accusing him of something. She glared at him. He stared right back at her.

"Don't be stupid Integra, I can't get you pregnant. I have no living seed, you know that," he said in a quiet voice.

"Well," she said at a loss. "Fix it then."

The way she way shooting daggers at his man bits made him smile, in an insane sort of way.

"You're funny," he said to her. "I suppose this is why you prefer smoking to drinking."

"I am NOT drunk!"

"And I'm not a vampire."

Integra continued to glare at him, for what seemed like a very long time. Then, as if suddenly becoming aware of gravity as she fell forward.

Alucard watched her land on the floor with a _thwump._

He considered leaving her there for presenting him with such temptation, but his affections got the better of him. He really was getting soft in his old age.

He picked her up in a neat little bundle and carried her over to her bed and proceeded to throw her onto her coverlet. She bounced about three inches, but seemed no worse for the wear. He contemplated putting her under the already drawn covers but decided to leave her. It wouldn't hurt her to be a little frigid; after all she was the Ice Queen.

Impregnate her indeed. Strange woman, that one. He shook his head slightly as he looked at her sleeping form, she could be just plain crazy sometimes.


	2. Mirrors and Telephones

I awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of yelling coming from the study. It really didn't do to have such nonsense when one was trying to acquire beauty sleep, I reached down and pulled the blanket that should cover my lower half over my head, but it wasn't there. Whatever the problem outside, I was entirely positive that Walter was more that capable of handling it.

I closed my eyes tightly and tried to get back to sleep, it wasn't working.

The voices grew louder and louder, soon I could tell that they were approaching my very own chambers. How rude! To awaken someone before they were good and ready. Didn't they know this was Arthur's daughter's room? Who did they think they were?

"I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE BEING EXTEEMLY OBNOXIOUS!" I yelled at the door from my bed. "IF YOU KEEP IT UP I'LL REPORT YOU TO MY FATHER AND YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUNECES!"

The voices stopped. Eternally, I did a victory dance; let them deal with the threat of Arthur Hellsing's wrath, which was enough to put anyone on edge.

I rolled over on my side in a huff. So much for getting some extra rest.

_Knock knock_

Two quick wraps, a sure indicator that Walter was doing his rounds.

"Sir Integra?" inquired a haggled voice that sounded _somewhat_ like Walter, I decided his voice must be acting up; perhaps he was feeling under the weather. "Is everything alright?"

_Sir_ Integra? Walter must have finally taken a plunge off the deep end.

"Sir Integra," the voice inquired again.

Was he mocking me? How unkind!

"Stop that behavior at once Walter, how dare you openly jest my…boyish figure!" (That was putting it nicely; I was as flat as a pancake.)

By now I was sitting up and talking to a door. I waited for his apology, but it never came. Instead the door opened a crack and I watched as a strange man stepped foot inside my room.

I screamed and threw a book; he caught it and looked at me curiously. I stood up on the bed and stomped my foot.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked grasping a pillow to my body to hide my state of undress from what may be prying eyes. "Are you some sort of pedophile or something? Because if you are, I'm warning you I am not afraid to-"

"Sir Integra?" he asked with his head cocked and eyebrows raised. "What the devil do you think you're doing?"

"How do you know my name? You're a stalker, aren't you! You're an old stalking pedophile!" I was enraged, how dare presume he could just come in here and… what?

"What do you want? Are you a kidnapper too?" I asked, reaching down to grab the hem of my night gown in case I had to break away at a run, I didn't want to get tripped up on my best silk. I was surprised to find I was actually wearing pants.

"Sir Integra-" he began to approach me.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" I screamed and ran to the window. I was going to get out before he had a chance to snatch me.

"What in blazes?" he didn't bother chasing after me, he sort of just watched me go. I didn't stop to ask myself why, maybe he was partially retarded. I decided to ask questions later.

I swung my body over to the window and proceeded to wiggle my way out of the room and onto the ledge. However, I was not as prepared for the shock of looking down from six stories up, it momentarily phased me, just long enough for the pedophile/stalker/kidnapper to walk over, at a slow walk it sounded like, grab my ankle and pull me down to the floor at his feet.

He just looked at me, as if he'd been struck by lightening.

"Please don't rape me!"

I closed my eyes and waited for something bad to happen. It never did.

"Is everything alright here? I heard screaming," the pleasant voice of a woman caught my attention and instinctively I opened my eyes. In the doorway of _my father's room_ stood a woman with short red hair and what looked to be a stripper's attire.

Why was I in my father's room? Where was he? Who was this man? I hadn't gotten a chance to look around before, what was going on?

I didn't stop long enough to ask any more questions. I took one look at the man with the bewildered expression and ran into the woman arms.

She caught me, her own eyes as wide as saucers.

"Please help me," I begged. "I think he's a rapist!"

The woman seemed to be between laughing and confusion.

"If this is a joke it's a very poor one," she said looking a somewhat hurt and angry looking Walter.

"I have no idea what's going on Seras," he said shaking his head.

"He broke into my room and tried to kidnap me!" I supplied, hoping someone would finally understand my distress.

The woman looked at me incredulously. "Your own butler broke into your room to kidnap you?" She looked at me and shrugged. "Want me to eat him?" she asked with a playful tone.

"Seras!" said the intruder. "That was uncalled for."

"Ah, I was just joshing!"

"Now might not be the most appropriate time."

I looked up from the woman's large bust where I had previously hidden my face, to look at the woman, apparently called Seras, who though my predicament was so entertaining.

Then I saw them.

Two

Big

Round

Red

Pools

Of

Eyeball

Accompanied by, I realized soon after, a pair of pearly white fangs.

"VAMPIRE!" I screamed again. My throat was beginning to hurt. I push her away from me and tried to escape down the hall at a sprint.

"What was that she said?" asked the vampire to the man.

"I believe she just discovered your nature," he responded.

"Ah," she said. "That'd do it."

I kept running, but I didn't get nearly far enough. I ran towards the stairs, but I saw a man with a long braid and some sort of pimp hat climbing them, I took a right turn to avoid him. If this was an invasion then I wanted to be as far away from enemy personnel as possible.

I ran down another hallway and into a guest bedroom, from there I ran into the bathroom and shut and locked the door. It wasn't much but it would have to do for now.

I sat down on the commode and began to cry in my hands. What was I going to do? This was horrible! I wanted my father.

I sat and wallowed in self pity for a moment, it felt good. After a few minutes I decided to hold my head up high. I looked up from the tile on the floor to the mirror that sat across from me.

What I saw shocked me.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Yes," said Walter into a phone receiver. "Indeed, I understand perfectly…it still doesn't matter...I don't have that authority…she's indisposed at this time…now, I'd hardly think the situation warrant language like that…do you now…well I might have small genitalia, but I have huge guns and lots of ammunition…that's right…I though we could come to an agreement…yes, that would be perfectly acceptable."

Walter hung up the phone and leaned over to rub his temples. This had not been a good week.

"Any sign of her?" he asked Seras, who had been standing in the corner waiting for him to finish his phone call.

"Yeah, she's in the bathroom off the bedroom number seven."

Walter's brow furrowed in thought.

"Any idea what's up with her little episode earlier?" she inquired curiously.

Walter looked at her for a moment. He had a few guesses. It had been a rough week. Integra had disappeared six days ago, after nearly suffering from a nervous break down. The last person to have seen her was Alucard; apparently he had left her in her room about three in the morning. Unfortunately for him this did not reflect well on the undead king, the knights had ordered Hellsing to keep him under house arrest until further notice, which was difficult. Of course he tried to leave to find her, but his seals kicked in and in a very painful sort of fashion he had been thrown into a sort of coma, although his eyes still moved and saw things, his body could not. He could not leave Hellsing without direct permission from his master, which. Personally Walter thought it was a good test run to make sure that Alucard was still bound to them, sometimes he got the uncanny feeling that it was all just a façade…

That morning he had been arguing with one of the queen's goons as to whether or not an official representative of the crown could temporarily take up residence in Sir Hellsing's place. He put his foot down hard and demanded the man leave, no sooner had he walked off in a huff, no doubt to report him to her majesty, had he heard the voice of the one he thought missing.

"I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE BEING EXTEEMLY OBNOXIOUS!"

His seventy-seven year old heart nearly gave out on him. Relief poured over him, but it was only temporary. He soon discovered that all was not what it appeared to be.

"IF YOU KEEP IT UP I'LL REPORT YOU TO MY FATHER AND YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUNECES!"

And with that the relief he felt went racing back into the little pouch in his soul where he kept all his forbidden emotions.

That led him to where he was now. Trying to manage the house, the soldiers, and the incessant idiots Integra had to deal with everyday. It had soon become obvious to him how his lady could be such a pain; she had to deal with them on a daily basis. Where he once felt sympathy for those that were forced to look down the barrel of Integra's gun, he now only felt righteous justification.

At least he didn't have to deal with Alucard, that really would have made things difficult.

"Walter?" prodded Seras. "Pip saw her run into that room, I checked it out, and I heard her in the toilet."

"I don't know what's happened Seras," he answered her first question. "I think maybe… maybe someone took her. Someone had to have taken her."

Seras looked dubious. "Really? Maybe she just needed a vacation."

"…and just happened to come back thinking she's ten years younger!" he snapped back.

Seras looked at him with half lidded eyes and hands on her hips that said 'I am not amused,' in classic female body language expression.

"She_ is_ over worked."

"This is just what we need," said Walter. "Now not only will they call her a murdering virgin dike that gives out bullets like candy, drinks like a fish, and smokes like a train, but they can tack mentally disturbed to the list."

Seras hesitated for a moment, then…

"Why are you giggling?" he asked impatiently. Seras looked at him and burst out laughing. "What?"

"You sound just like her!"

Walter opened his mouth to argue, but a firm realization dawned on him and he was forced to stop mid thought.

"Oh my," he said, looking flabbergasted, not the first time that day.

The two looked at each other, really, what was this but another notch on the bed post?

"Did I miss zomething?" asked the leader of the Flying Geese as he entered the room. "It zeems that despite ze crisis you two are getting along formidably."

Seras quickly sobered up. "Right, what are we going to do Walter?"

Walter seemed to flinch slightly at this question.

"I suppose we should just pretend that everything is normal," he said. "If anyone asks after Sir Integra we'll tell them that she has a bad head cold and has been ordered to bed for awhile."

"You think that this is just temporary then," asked Seras. "If she's just got a head cold, well, that means she could be up and running soon…right?"

"Our first priority is to make sure that no one finds out about this-"

"And what, prey tail, do we tell people she has been the last week? Hmm _monsieur_?"

"We tell them she went on an unexpected trip to the country for a sabbatical," replied Walter.

"Who else knows?" asked Seras.

"Us, her majesty, Alucard, the doctors we're undoubtedly going to have work on her," he answered. "We must not let anyone know how weak we are, without Integra Hellsing to thwart the jackals they'll come by the dozens."

They all stood and thought about exactly might happened to each of them if Hellsing was given new ownership. No more vampire trash men, or criminal mercenaries, definitely not decrepit butlers either.

"I guess now we just have to be as discreet as possible."

"Zis will not be easy."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

This could not be happening to me. What the hell? I looked into the mirror. My hair was long and …tall. I had _breasts_! I had long legs and a firm torso and strong cheek bones…and _breasts!_

The beautiful woman looking back at me could not possibly be me. I was flat chested and mousy. I had tangly wild locks and spider legs…this was not me.

But she did do an amazing job of mimicking my actions, when I touched my arm, she touched hers, when I blew a kiss, so did she. It was uncanny.

I looked down at my hands. They had writing calluses. They had ink stains and my nails were uneven.

I looked in the mirror again. I got closer. I had dark circles under my eyes, a small scar on my neck, a cleft in my chin…but there was no mistaking it. The ice blue eyes staring at me were my own; no one else on this earth had eyes like mine.

What had happened to me?

A/N Sooooooooo………..Got reviews?


	3. Discoveries

**A/NI hope you all know that I'm blowing off studying for finals right now, just to write this for you. Feel the love beams you cursed minions!**

I paced back and forth in the small room. What had happened? I closed my eyes and concentrated…but to no avail. All I was blackness. I leaned against a wall and slid down. How could this have happened?

Those people, they didn't really seem like they wanted to hurt me, they seemed pleasant enough. In fact, the old man looked down right hurt when I called him a pedophile/kidnapper/rapist. I didn't know what had happened, but I had to find a way to get to my father.

I stood up and brushed off my pajama bottoms, I appeared to be wearing blue satin, although I had no recollection of even owning such sleep wear.

I walked over to the door and cautiously opened it a crack, to peer out.

"Hello there," said Seras.

My first instinct was to run like the devil was chasing me, and that wasn't too far from the truth. The woman seemed to be able to sense this.

"Don't be frightened, I can't do anything to you, Alucard would have my head."

Alucard…the name sounded strangely familiar. The woman was sitting in a chair near the window, she stood up and began walking toward me.

"Is that your leader?" I asked in a voice that sounded braver than I was.

The woman seemed to think on this.

"He's more like my keeper, actually," she said. "I am…permanently indebted to him."

"Where's my father?" I half asked, half demanded.

"Why…" the woman seemed to look startled at this question.

"POLICE GIRL!"

My heart nearly stopped at what I saw next.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

This was most unpleasant. There I was. In a hall closet. There was Endust prodding me in the back, and I was squashed into a sort of ball. Why couldn't they have put me in my coffin? What was so difficult to manage about that?

This situation was admissible at best. Integra was missing and I was getting to know that household cleaning items. Walter thought that the seals threw me into a catatonic state, I knew better. As long as Integra was unable to command me then I was unable to act. It wasn't a matter of seals; it was a matter of blood. Each drop of blood she gives me lets me have a little more freedom. Virgin blood is virgin blood, and although hers is especially pure there's nothing really that delectable about it, I could get that from the Police Girl if I wanted. What I loved about Integra's blood was the taste of release, the promise of an unlife with her knowing I was her _willing _slave. Really, she still thinks I care for her like a daughter, how utterly blind.

But that left me in a slight predicament. This had never happened before. I only knew that it was even possible after happening across some old journals in the dungeons once. What did that mean for Master? What could have possibly left her so…defenseless?

I'd be saved before I'd let anything defeat the last great leader this world has known for two centuries, and that was saying something.

I couldn't really do anything, I was sufficiently indisposed. So I sat, and I thought. On day three I ruled out Iscariot as suspects. Maxwell had a grudging respect for the Hellsing family, and an unreciprocated crush for its master. He might want to kill her, to ruin her name and watch her beg and yell, but ultimately he was just a little boy who pulled his sweetheart's pig tails on the swings, it was his way of showing affection. After that I though about all the vast and diverse enemies had had over the years, and I dismissed them. I went over them in my mind over and over again, nothing added up.

I was beginning to feel helpless, like a Jew in a gas chamber, as Walter once put it during the war.

I began replaying the night's events before she was discovered missing. Then something clicked.

_"They want a dammed heir."_

Ah, the knights. Now there was an idea. I mentally chided myself for not thinking of it before. Could that be the case? Did they really abduct Integra just so someone could give her a good banging? What a splendid idea! Well, that explained things a little.

But how could they get her out of headquarters? The whole place was better secured then a full security prison, although with better décor.

"_I am NOT drunk!"_

Ah, yes inebriation. That would do it. However it was odd that she should be. I paused at this. Really the Scotch had been rather full when I entered the room. Usually Integra could down at least three fourths of the bottle before she was affected; the girl could hold her liquor. Of course she'd been practicing since she was fifteen. Besides she was never a sloppy drunk, not like that night. She got angry, not careless. Someone must have slipped her something, put it into her drink.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"POLICE GIRL," came a muffled sound from Integra's right.

A can of Endust went flying through the air as an arm appeared out of the wall. It hit Seras squarely in the head.

"Ouch!" Seras exclaimed, rubbing her head. "Master, how did you-"

"Not now Police Girl."

"Bu-"

"Why did you and Walter shove me in the godamn closet?" Alucard asked, looking a bit rumpled. Seras gave him a quizzical look, but dropped it.

"It was close," she explained. "You weigh a lot more than you look, been snacking on a few too many blood packets if you ask me-"

"Are you calling me _fat_?" Alucard asked, outraged. "You who has two breasts that each average out to be enough to feed three small third world countries?"

"The dungeons are scary at night," she went on, ignoring him. "I didn't want to go down there by myself, and Walter's not much protection-"

"You live in the dungeons! You're the second scariest thing down there, what could you possibly be afraid of? I wasn't even there to torment you!"

"I only live down there when it's light out," she said. "And only when I know you're there, I still think it's creepy."

"I can't believe your relying on _me_. You do realize I want you to be scared, I think it's good for you," he said. "I want the creepy things to get you, and you're saying you _trust_ me? Oh, you poor ignorant creature."

"That's not funny," she replied crossing her arms.

"It's the truth!"

"Meep"

Their attention was drawn to the corner.

Alucard grinned. He strutted over and put a hand on either side of his master's face, fully expecting to be shot and not giving as damn.

"Master," he said, pulling her towards him. "Did you miss me?"

Integra seemed too petrified to even move. A single tear ran down her cheek.

Alucard frowned.

"Master," Seras began. "That really isn't a good idea."

"What did they do to you?" he whispered.

"She doesn't remember who she is-"

"Really?" he asked.

"She thinks she's still thirteen… or there about." Seras said. "From before…"

Alucard turned and looked at Seras.

"Before?"

"Before you," she clarified.

Alucard stepped back from her as if scolded.

"Ah," he said.

"I know," Seras answered.

"…what should we do?"

"Tell her," she said.

"She won't believe us."

"I've already thought of that," said Seras proudly. She pulled out a worn looking book.

There was a pause then-

"Did you pull that out of your bra?" Alucard asked, disgusted and enthusiastic. "What else do you keep in there?"

"It's a memories journal, I found it when we were searching her rooms," she said, a tinge at her cheeks. "I didn't want the others to see it so I had to find a hiding place, quick."

"Police Girl, sometimes I think I don't give you enough credit." He looked at her chest a moment. "You know, I bet we could easily get a gun in there if we put enough thought into it."

In the corner Integra had backed herself into she was watching the two exchange pleasantries and bicker. She didn't know whether to run or laugh. That man, he was a vampire too. She saw his eyes, felt his cold hands on her face. She turned her head, wishing she could just wake up from whatever horrible nightmare she was having.

Seras, who had been watching her Master's Master out of the corner of her eye, saw that she was on the brink of hyperventilating.

"- really Seras, we could make you up as a prostitute and lure in other vampires through your…wares-"

Seras walked over to Integra with the journal extended in her hand, trying to look a little like a predator as possible.

"-really, it wouldn't be that much of a change, you already look like a hussy-"

Integra paused, mid reach for the journal and pulled back, inside of her mind a word had triggered something.

"I remember!" she exclaimed. "You…vegetable oil!"

"What?" asked Seras.

"Y-you were chained to a bed…I needed you to look moist, so I had Walter fetch-" Integra stopped. "Walter! He was old in the dream too!"

"Just what do you two do together?" Seras asked Alucard.

"What's anal?"

Alucard's eyes got wide at the question as Seras and Integra looked at him.

"What?" he asked.

"You won't do it- anal- with the Queen."

"Fucking right," he said.

"Maybe she's just gone mad." Seras suggested, having got the jest of the conversation. "It would explain everything."

She dropped the book in front of her.

"Read that, it might help. It's written in your weird symbols that Walter says you made up, so you know we didn't forge it."

"Weird symbols?" Alucard cocked his head to the side.

"Apparently her father and her made up their own little language out of them," she replied.

"Stop talking about me like I'm not even here!" Integra snapped.

Alucard grinned. Seras raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Read it, we'll come for you later," Seras said. "Oh, and don't bother trying to escape, you won't get anywhere."

Seras grabbed Alucard by the arm, he seemed reluctant to take his eyes off of her, let alone leave, but after a couple of tugs he followed Seras out of the room.

As they set out Alucard threw a glance over his shoulder. Integra was walking over to the bed, book in tow. She seemed calmer now. Seras ushered him out of the door.

"Seras," he said. "I know what happened to her."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Inside the room Integra looked down at the book sitting on her knees. She didn't know what was going on. The world had turned upside down. The dream… these people didn't want to hurt her. That butler…he was Walter. She was Integra Hellsing, she knew that, they knew that. That man, Alucard, he seemed to harbor affectionate feelings for her. Maybe the book could tell her something. She opened it to its first page, it read;

_My life has taken an unexpected turn. I am a murderer, a master, a disciple and a knight. Here lie the experiences of one Integra Hellsing. May its contents never be boring._

_Once upon a time a little girl was abandoned by her father and she was scared and alone…she waited for a knight in shining armor, but she got a demon from hell instead. The little girl made due with this and together they had many bloody adventures, the first of many being the infamous massacre of Hellsing's tyrants and rats, the betrayers of the headship…_

A/N- I want feed back. Sorry it's short, I really do have to study. Tell me what you think. The next chapters should be more lighthearted.


	4. Men of War

"I know what happened to her."

I watched Police Girl's reaction to what I said. Her face was priceless. I felt a nudging affection for her all of a sudden. She was a good girl. To have her so concerned for my master was touching, not just anyone could develop a likeness for someone as cold as Integra, it was an acquired taste. This, however, did not stop me from being grouchy, I was blaming my mood on a certain closet incident.

"How?" Seras looked angry. She really was coming along nicely.

"Please," I sneered, rolling my eyes. "It's what I do."

"What?" she inquired impatiently. "What happened?"

"It's brilliant, the person who took her, they never left Hellsing!"

"Where did they take her?"

"Guess, my dear fledging."

Seras thought a moment. They'd looked everywhere. Where could anyo-

"The dungeons! They locked her in the dungeons for nearly a week?"

"Indeed." I said, nodding.

"Who?" My apprentice had a little mad glint in her eye. I felt a deep satisfaction.

"The knights, they're the only ones with a real motive."

"But Master, why?"

"They want an heir, they need Hellsing, but they're not dumb enough to think that they can run it themselves, and they couldn't. Without anyone to take over after Integra, they'd be forced to work with outside forces. Forces that might not have their best interests at heart. Besides, how humiliating would it be for Protestant knights to have to cooperate with groups like, oh say, the Vatican."

"So, are you suggesting that…that Integra's pregnant?" I purposely didn't answer.

"I have a plan Police Girl, I need you to win her trust. She's gullible now. Let her finish reading her journal, then give her some pictures to back up any doubts she might have."

"But-"

"Seras," I shock her shoulders a little, trying to get her attention. "She thinks she's thirteen. It's bad enough she has to find out she's a heartless military leader, do you want her to find out she might be having someone's child?"

"Master, can't you sense another life, or something?"

I really don't know where Seras gets these ideas sometimes.

"Godammit, I need you to be sane right now!"

She looked little like she was going to cry, but thankfully pulled herself together.

"What then?"

"Then bring her to me."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Integra closed the journal. That couldn't be right. She couldn't possibly have done those things. She was a proper English lady!

She wanted to deny the things that she read with every fiber of her being, but the words, they struck a chord. Somewhere deep inside her they pulled at something, something familiar.

She looked at the book sitting in her lap. It couldn't be true. She didn't want it to be true. This wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to grow up, marry a well off noblemen, and add to the Hellsing line. She was supposed to be a mother, a wife, an educated aristocrat. This went against every dream and desire she'd ever had.

She sat and looked at the cruel book. Within a few hours, it had shattered every preconceived notion she had about herself.

She felt her eyes fill up with tears.

Was it true she killed her own uncle?

Was it true she employed reject vampires?

Was it true everyone hated her? Did they really call her those horrible names she written down?

Did people really think she was a man?

How did this happen?

Hundreds of questions swam through her; none of them seemed to have answers. She stood up and walked toward the window to look out. She faintly wondered how long it would be until someone came to find her. She felt like such a prisoner, in her own home no less.

One thing bothered her more than all the rest. The book, it said her beloved father…that he had died. Integra turned her heads from the pleasant outdoors to stare at the tile on the floor. How dare it be cheerful when she felt so awful.

"I'm sorry," said a voice. Integra recognized it instantly.

"Shut-up," said Integra.

A long silent pause followed.

"How do I know it's true?" she asked.

"What would we gain by lying?"

"You tell me."

The woman sighed. This was going worse that she planned.

"I have something that might interest you," she said.

"What," asked Integra, "can a vampire possibly have that might interest me?"

Seras looked the woman that she'd known for the past few years up and down. This was how her great and fearless master had started. No wonder her master was so insane.

"A picture book," Seras stated simply.

"A picture book," Integra repeated lamely. She turned around to glare. She was surprised by what she saw.

Instead of a cocky, evil looking creature, she saw a slumped and insecure woman in an uncertain situation. Some part of her felt bad for the image and told her it was her own fault.

"Bring it here," she said, hoping that the thing wasn't hungry.

The woman looked at Integra and smiled. She walked over, almost shyly, and sat down next to the blonde.

"I've been collecting these for a while now," Seras said, handing the thick volume over.

Integra looked it over. She was quickly beginning to hate her once beloved books. Was this nightmare ever going to end?

She opened the first page and saw herself, asleep at her desk.

"Is that me?"

"Yes."

"I look like a man," said Integra woefully. "I went from being a boy to a man. Damn Indian genes."

"Ah, but Sir Integra-"

"Don't you dare give me a speech on 'inner beauty'."

"Oh please," started Seras. "It's not like you're ugly. You choose to look like a man. You like it!"

"Uh?"

"It's a psychological thing. Master told me all about it." Seras seemed more than happy to have an answer to something.

"Oh, I'm a lebian?" Integra stopped flipping through the book to look concerned.

"What's a lebian?" asked Seras, watching her.

"Oh, you know, girls that like other girls."

"Lesbian?" Seras cautiously corrected. "I wouldn't know, you don't share your private life with me. I wouldn't think so."

"Why not?" asked Integra, eager to have evidence to dash what seemed to be obvious.

"Well, if anything I'd say you're just not interested in…things of that nature. You're very…secluded."

"Oh," said Integra. "What does that really mean? Be honest!"

"Well," Seras hesitated. "Most men are _extremely_ intimidated by you."

"Why?"

"Well, there are the guns… and the drinking….and the smoking…and the yelling, besides they know you're smarter than them. It also doesn't hurt to have a tall dark, and handsome vampire servant more than willing to eat anything that you throw at him."

"Alucard," said Integra knowingly, looking at her journal.

"Alucard," mimicked Seras, nodding.

"He's scary," Integra said. She shut the book and set it aside, she'd seen enough. She pulled her knees up to her chest. "I don't like him."

Seras laughed.

"No one _likes_ Master," she giggled. "But trust me, in your case, and your case alone, he is much more afraid of you than you are of him."

"Why?"

"So many questions," said Seras, with a knowing smile. "Let's just say you have something of his that gives you more sway than you could ever imagine."

Seras got up, pulling Integra with her.

"He's the one who suggested your manish appearance to begin with." Integra didn't even bother asking why this time. "He thought that people would take of advantage of you if they saw you as a woman, so he created an illusion. He even taught you how to tie your tie. Notice that you both do it the same?"

"Oh," Integra was being pulled to the door. Seras was grasping her a little too hard and it made her hand hurt. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

**A/N Short, and not very entertaining, but it had to be there. Important chapter, you know. Anyway, I'm going to make the next chapter chocked full of goodness to make up for this runt. **


	5. More Closets

I felt sorry for Sir Integra as I pulled her down to the dungeons. I had to take back hallways and a few servant's stairs to avoid being seen, but being discreet was necessary for our cover. She was having difficulty adjusting, and who could blame her? I knew better than most about how it felt to find out that you are someone you never expected to be and then thrown into the dark depths of Hellsing. It's a very irksome and difficult process, both mentally and physically.

I looked back to make sure she was okay. She wasn't. She had tears streaming down her face and she looked like someone bit off her big toe.

I sighed and stopped.

She looked at me.

"Sit down," I said.

"Here?'she askd. "On the floor? In the middle of the hallway?"

Yes, she made a good point. We couldn't be lingering in hallways, bad for the whole 'Sir Hellsing's in bed with a bad flu' image. I looked around for a temporary haven.

I spotted a hall closet. Dimly I thought of Master, but pushed the thought to the back of my mind. That would do for now.

"No," said Integra, following the path of my eyes. "There could be _dirt_ in there," she said, scandalously.

"Yes," I answered. "But the Integra Hellsing I know never let a little bit of dirt stop her from doing anything before."

"She also didn't take blind orders from vampires," was her snappy reply. She had me there.

"Integra Hellsing trusted me," I claimed, only partially convinced the statement I was saying was true.

"No," she replied. "She didn't."

That stung far worse than it should have.

"She hated you," Integra continued. "She thought you were just Alucard's little play thing. She was convinced he would get sick of you and kill you. Didn't you ever wonder why she ordered you to where that…" she looked me up and down. "….ensemble? It's because she had no respect for you, and she didn't want anyone else to have any either."

"That-" I wanted to deny it, but I couldn't really. I didn't know how Integra Hellsing really felt about me. I just knew that my Master held her in high esteem, that had always been good enough for me. It was going to have to be good enough now, too.

"That may very well be," I said. "But I'm a servant of Hellsing, bound by blood through my master. I cannot simply leave you to self-destruct. It is my responsibility to see that you're safe and that nothing eats you, or anything like that. I refuse to fail." It was a little dramatic, but I thought the situation warranted it.

"Fail? You obviously already have," she seethed. "Or I wouldn't be like this in the first place!"

Another excellent point. It was, in fact when I was pondering over her brilliance at thirteen, that the little devil broke away from me and took off down the hall. Did she really think she could get away? Maybe she was less brilliant than I once thought.

I caught up to her easily and pinned her against the wall. It looked like I was going to have to go scary on her ass.

"Now listen," I started, letting a little of my fangs peek through my scowl. "I am looking out for your best interest, you little piss. You are going to obey me until we get you back to normal, upon which time you can shoot me, beat me, tie me to a tree in sunlight, or even baptize me. Until then you are not in any conditions to make any decisions on your own."

"Who put you in charge?" she asked.

Why did she ask questions I didn't have the answers to?

"Get in that closet; we are going to bond, dammit!"

To my utter relief, she obeyed. Albeit, grudgingly, stubbornly, unhappily, with a few curse words mixed in, but she obeyed nonetheless. She stomped the whole way over and glared at me. I was torn between wondering what would happen to me when she got back to normal and what would happen if I just locked her in and pretended she disappeared…Unfortunately Master would never forgive me. Damn, how odd that I feel obligated to make him happy and the only obligation he feels toward me is to put me in every dangerous situation he can think of.

Love works in mysterious ways, I guess.

I followed Integra into the closet. This would look very bad if anyone decided they needed some detergent or something. (When I was young places like closets were prime snogging areas.)

I hoped I wasn't walking into my death sentence.

I hesitated. Then I did something quite bold. I pulled the trembling scared woman into my arms. I always thought that I would have done much better when I first came here if someone had just taken the time to let me rant a little, or at least tell me that they didn't hate me. I took that knowledge and applied it here.

"Don't be too afraid," I whispered to her as she clutched my back. I don't know whether she was trying to get away or she was really into it. It didn't matter, either way I wasn't going to let go.

Eventually I felt her body go slack and I had to support her. I could feel a wetness penetrate my blouse. She was crying. This was good, wasn't it? It was sort of like one of those mental break throughs you saw on shrink shows on the tele all the time, right? By now I was just praying that I hadn't led her to a nervous break down.

Looking back, maybe it wasn't the best idea to drag a crazy twenty-something woman who was convinced she was in adolescence into a dark enclosed space with a creature she'd been taught to fear and hate, but I have never been accused if having any sort of maternal instinct.

I was extremely lucky, it could have gone terribly wrong, but it didn't.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I lied before."

"What?"

"I never thought" sob "that Alucard was going to eat you" sob "or that" sob "he would get sick of you!" Which was promptly fallowed by more sobbing. "I was afraid that he'd replaced me" wail "and that he didn't want my" more sobbing "company anymore."

"So that's why you gave me this stripper uniform," I said, realization dawning on me.

Huh, well. What do you say to something like that?

I realized she was still crying and pulled her to me.

"It's alright," I said. "I really don't mind, it's one of the nicer things that people have thought about me since I got here."

"But that was only in the beginning," she kept on. "After awhile I decided you were too hallow minded to keep someone as complex as Alucard occupied for company too long. I decided you were just a cuddly little companion. In my journal I called you his kitten. But I did like you…a little."

By now she was done sobbing and the flow had subsided to a small drizzle.

What was it about people comparing me to small feline creatures? I decided to ask Master about it later.

"I'm so scared," honestly the girl was on a tangent. What had I gotten myself into? "I don't know what to do. Everything seems so upside down. I just want to wake up in my own bed and find out this has been some sort of horrible nightmare."

Oh, that about summed everything up, didn't it?

"Don't worry, really," I said. "Well get you back in no-"

"I DON'T WANT TO BE BACK TO NORMAL! CAN'T YOU SEE YOU DAFT WOMAN? I HATE MYSELF!" she screamed, practically right in my ear. That in combination with enhanced vampire hearing can give you a real headache.

"Integra, you don't know what you're saying." I should have never given her that stupid book.

"I know what I've become. I see the way people look at me in those pictures, I read about what people think of me! I don't want to be like this, Seras!"

It was the first time Sir Integra had ever said my name without sarcasm. It struck a chord.

"Don't worry about that damn book," I whispered in her ear, trying to calm her down. "It gave you the worst view of yourself you could ever possibly have. You are your own greatest enemy, Sir Integra."

She shook her head 'no' into my neck where she had chosen to hide her face.

"Yes," I pushed. "You are an amazing woman. I'll bet that book didn't tell you about how smart you are, or how independent. Did it say how much your soldiers respect you? They can work for anyone Integra, they chose to come here, it was always their choice. No one is forced into Hellsing."

Well, no one but her, that is.

"Did it tell you how determined you are? Or how you always know how to solve a problem? Or how you can keep calm in the most drastic of situations? Did it tell you that you defy every person who has ever tried to bring you or your organization down?"

She was looking at me now. She had stopped crying.

"No," she said. "It made me seem sort of lonely and...cold."

Well, that too, but I decided she didn't need to know that yet.

"No," I repeated. "You're a very special woman Sir Integra; don't become so blind that you forget that."

"I'm my own worst enemy?" she asked softly.

"Yes," I answered, confirming whatever thought she was having.

"I must be fairly scary then," she concluded.

"I never said you weren't scary," I defended. "But you are everything else I said."

She was quiet for a moment.

"Maybe it's good to be a little scary."

Ah, there was the Integra Hellsing I knew.

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What had they done? Gone out for ice cream? How the fuck could a walk to the dungeons take fifteen minutes? I thought I was being patient ten minutes ago. This was absurd. Leave it to the Police Girl to get lost on the way to her own quarters. I always knew turning her would be a mistake.

_Knock Knock Knock_

"Come in," I snarled, hoping to sound menacing.

It was Walter and that French idiot. How disappointing. Why was that braided freak here anyway? Who would be stupid enough to invite a dumb frog?

I answered my own question; Police Girl. The poor creature had a crush on him. I knew, I read her diary, which she kept hidden, conveniently, for me behind her toilet. Yes, I could have just read her mind, but there was something satisfying about seeing her thoughts clearly on paper. Less room for misinterpretation that way too.

He was hardly worthy of her in my opinion.

What did she think she was playing at anyway? She was, potentially, a dark, powerful, creature of the night. What was he? A schmuck, that's what. One day I was going to have to talk to her about it. I was not looking foreword to the experience.

I looked at the French idiot again. At least he was attractive. He and Walter appeared to be trying to get my attention. I was ignoring them both.

Hmmm, maybe Frenchie was exactly what Police Girl needed. I'm sure after a few good ruts she'd get him out of her system, maybe even eat him.

Oh, that would make me so proud, she was about due too. She had a record of about two so far. Both of which she got out of sheer dumb luck.

Eternally I shook my head. Police Girl had many problems, far too many for me to try to sort out in one sitting. Most of them were probably rooted from never having any parental guidance or unconditional love of any sort…maybe I should work on that whole father figure thing. Then again, I was not a miracle worker.

"What do you want?" I asked Frenchie, who had started to yell to get my attention. He opened his mouth to speak, but I decided it wasn't worth it. "Never mind, I don't care."

"Alucard," oh, now that was Walter. He was a little harder to shut-up. "I thought they were supposed to be down here by now."

"They were," I replied simply. "I think Police Girl got lost." I paused for dramatic effect. "Or maybe she wanted a snack, Integra is very tasty."

I watched the French idiot's eyes get wide and his body squirm.

_Oh that's right you cradle robber,_ I thought._ She's a big scary vampire, WAY out of you league you scrawny foot soldier. You're not even worthy enough to lick dung of the bottom of her boots, you horny little-_

"Alucard, what's gotten into you?"

"I'm sorry," I replied. "My mind was wandering."

"Obviously," cocky for a butler, isn't he? "What do we do until they show up?"

"Strip poker?" I suggested. I was picking up a new hobby, Frogger, the French version. Ten points to me!

Bernadette actually, visibly winced.

"What?" I asked. "You don't find me attractive?"

"You're very…rustic," he quickly replied. Before I could deeply decipher any deeper meaning, he might have been trying to hide it with his feeble excuse of a mind, the very two women we'd been waiting for burst into the room.

Looking back it was an odd sight.

Seras had picked up Integra, bridal style, and, it appeared, had sprinted into the heart of the dungeons that way. Walter and Frogger looked perplexed.

Women were insane. I'd always known that.

I sighed, I wasn't even going to ask why. It was _Police Girl_ after all.

"What? Iz ze big bad vampire afraid of ze dark?" mocked Frenchie. Indeed, that was the case. Seras had always been weary of the dungeons, and with her knowing outsiders had really been down here, she probably just made a sprint for it, taking Integra with her. Vampires run much faster than humans after all.

Oh, he wanted her so badly. Lust was practically rolling off the little turd.

Police Girl could be so blind.

"Little girls are always afraid of the dark," I said, taking a jibe at both Police Girl and my master. They both noticed.

"Shut it, you two," said Integra. "It just so happens we don't care what a dumb Frenchmen and a dried up old corpse think, do we Seras?" she said, looking up at my fledging.

Yes, Integra had always noted subtle details. I appreciated her ability to comprehend that Bernadette was truly an overgrown ass monkey. But…what was this? Police girl and my master….forming an alliance? This could be very bad for me indeed. It was like… Bat Girl and Robin! Which I promptly drew attention to.

"Oh, hell has frozen over. Bat girl and Robin are taking control."

"Humph," said Integra, covering her chest with her arms. "You know that I'm sensitive about my underdeveloped figure."

Frenchie was undoubtedly just about to make some smart ass comment, but Seras saved him from an early death by my hands, by growling at him.

He got the idea, and took to studying her curiously instead, all the while forgetting to close his mouth.

"What took so long, Miss Victoria?" inquired Walter in that damnable polite manner. It was enough to make me want to bite his head off. Didn't he realize how irksome it is to watch someone who could kill people with bits of sting pretend to be grandfatherly and kind? It was like watching Hitler dance the _Nutcracker_.

"We, er, got detained," said Police Girl. She was lying. Even if I had not been able to read minds, or I had been blind, like the Frog, even if I couldn't use any of my five senses or vampiric abilities, I would have been able to tell. She was that bad at it.

"You are fibbing, Polize Girl." Well, will you look at that? The little bugger actually pulled his head far enough out of his ass for a minute to grasp basic human knowledge. That was probably the longest thought he'd ever had.

Seras looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Well, you're ugly!" accused Integra, as she was being placed on the ground.

The Frenchmen gasped. "Vous trouvez!" I couldn't believe we were actually paying him. It just didn't seem fair.

"Non, c'est vrai," leave it to Integra to argue with someone in their native tongue.

"Children," Walter put in. "Let's play nice now, or no dessert." There was a humorous glint in his eye.

"Oh Walter, no! I'll be good, I promise!" Every eye in the room turned to Integra, who was giving Walter her best puppy dog eyes. Internally I scoffed. I invented the puppy dog eye.

"This is insane," Seras put in. "Let's just do what we came to do."

That was my cue.

"Okay, Master, I need you to go sit in that chair over there."

"The one next to the coffin?" she asked dubiously.

"No," I replied sarcastically. "The other, invisible, chair. Only vampires can see it."

She looked at me as if I had grown another head. I was sure I hadn't.

She stuck her tongue out and squinted her face at me. I laughed, that had to be the best thing I'd seen in about a decade, the high and mighty woman of Hellsing degraded to crude gestures.

"Freak," she said.

Ouch, that deserved a comeback.

"At least I don't have chicken titties," I said, knowing that had been one of her childhood insecurities.

She scoffed and stomped over to the chair.

I won.

"That wasn't very nice Master," Police Girl informed me. She'd obviously been spending too much time with Frogger.

"I know," I spoke slowly, so not to confuse her. "That was the point. You see, that is regarded by many as an insult."

"Meanwhile," interrupted Walter. "The rest of are supposed to be doing what?"

"I don't know," I said. "I don't even know why you two are here. Police Girl rounded you two up."

"I know Walter has some medical background, so I thought if your plan didn't work out you could use him to do things… you know… the long way," Seras supplied.

"And the Frog," I asked pointedly.

"Err," ooh, that one stumped her. "Moral support?" she suggested sheepishly. Oh, she was just dying for a chance jump his bones.

"Bernadette, go over to the corner and bleed, will you? I might need a snack later."

I watched to see if he would do it. He didn't. That put him right above a terrier on the food chain. That must be a whole new level, I hope he doesn't get lost. Police Girl doesn't need anymore problems dealing with abandonment.

"I will …just go help the butler, I think," and with that, he trotted away. I thought about getting him some doggie snacks for Christmas.

"Now," I said. "Comes the hard part."

** A/N Please review. I'm a desperate man! (Is Pip's accent annoying, or is it just me?)**


	6. Interlude Pain in the Ass Guilt Chapter

It was a strange sight. Integra Hellsing sat in a lone chair in a corner of an old, dank dungeon cell. She didn't look scared or frightened in any manner, if anything she looked more curious than anything else. Before her kneeled a vampire who was looking over her intently. The woman who had brought her here, and who she had recently deemed non-threatening, was watching him watch her. Two others, both of the male persuasion, were working on something that looked terribly like a makeshift hospital lab, but they were doing it in the bathroom. Integra noted one the elderly version of her butler Walter, however the other was unfamiliar to her, all she knew was that he was French and wore a rather suggestive hat.

She brought her attention back to the man in front of her; he was still looking at her, as if she were a particularly interesting insect. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Seras close the bathroom door, closing off the other two men.

"What are you doing?" she asked, suspiciously.

He brought his eyes up to meet hers.

"Are you sure you want to know?" he asked her back.

No, she wasn't sure she wanted to know, but she had to know.

"Tell me," she insisted, her annoyance with him evident.

The vampire named Alucard sighed, but didn't look away.

"I am going to violate you in the worst of ways," he said, almost regrettably. "I am going to rape your mind. I'm going to tear it apart, looking for the information I need."

"What?" she asked shocked. She ripped her eyes over to Seras Victoria, but she was looking at her shoes. Seras glanced up long enough to give her a look that pleaded forgiveness, but said nothing.

"Be strong, Integra," insisted Alucard. "You've been through much worse; this is just a walk through the park."

"Is it going to hurt?" she asked him.

"Yes," he replied bluntly. "Since I don't know what I'm looking for…" he trailed off.

"Do you have to do it?" she asked, a small tremor in her voice.

"No," he hesitated. "Not unless you want the people who did this to you to be let off…"

"Do it," she stated firmly.

Alucard looked at her curiously.

"Why would you care if they were caught, if you don't mind my asking, Sir Integra? Really, you don't remember anything so why-"

"Because," she interrupted, a bit angry, "they hurt people around me. It's not retribution for wrongs done to me, servant, but to those around me."

Alucard looked smug, as if she had passed some sort of unscheduled test.

"Besides," she went on. "I want to see if all this is true, and if it is, I want to be put back."

"Why," he asked again. "Why would anyone want this?"

Integra just shook her head.

"You wouldn't understand," she stated simply.

_Yes,_ thought Alucard. _I would._

Then, without warning, he began.

**A/N The size and style of this … midget chapter will not be commonplace. Chapters after this will be like the ones before this one, but I just wanted to get something out. I think it would almost be too much to ask you to review this, even though I could use a good ego stroking. Feel free to flame me, I'll understand…really.**


	7. Memories: Before and After

Without warning Integra's eyes rolled back into her head. Her body shook and Alucard was forced to hold her down. Remarkably, she did not make a noise.

In the corner I watched. I knew that this wasn't going to be pretty, but I was used to situations that allowed for the most grotesque of séances. I suppose, it really was not that bad, but it being Integra in that chair changed things. Perhaps I would have been less affected if it were a stranger.

As she started to foam at the mouth, I not only felt a strong rush of affection for her and her strength, but that of my master as well. He was truly a servant. I knew that if I were in his position I could never just invade someone so easily. He had a knack for getting down to business, especially in the instance of those he cared for.

Let it never be said the Alucard was heartless. Cruel, merciless, insane, derange, sick, monstrous and blood thirsty….maybe. Nevertheless, never has he been heartless. Well, not that I have seen anyway.

Integra let out a sort of groan, and I briefly wondered if she knows what he's seeing. I sigh. All this for the greater good? I say, sometimes it all just seems just too much.

Alucard is gripping her too tightly; she's bleeding where he's holding her down. I suppose that that will just be another notch in her bedpost when she wakes up.

I felt rather useless just standing there starring, I mean…what was I supposed to do? It's not like I can help. Walter and Pip already have everything prepared for when they recover.

Alucard didn't want to do this. I could tell. You can read him sometimes, if he's distracted and you know him well enough. Today he was nervous. He wants justice for his master, his protégé. Although I'm not sure he wanted it at the risk of her sanity.

When I was freshly turned I worried that Alucard would one day turn Integra and they would start new unlife's and leave me behind all alone.

I don't worry about that anymore.

Sometimes I wish she would let him have her, then he would be happy…sort of. At least he would be until he realized she could never really be happy as something that she despises, then he would be unhappy. At least they would be unhappy together. I suppose the way Integra figures it they might as well both be unhappy this way with her still retaining her humanity and soul and all that other baggage I've decided probably just sits around useless until the day you lose it, than it's incredibly valuable.

He is kneeling in front of her, like he loves to do. He loves to lord her power over him. It's his way of saying, yes, I am the monster, but you are my master, the source of my actions. Anything I do, I do because of you. Therefore, you are the monster. Cruel, isn't it? Life has a way of biting you in the ass like that.

As she begins to hyperventilate, I wonder vaguely if that is normal. I wouldn't know if it wasn't.

Then it hits me. Integra you trusting fool. You knew this was going to happen. Well, not this per se, but you knew. You crazy godamn cunt. I'm going to rant at you when you come to.

I do not know who is more insane, Master, or Master's master.

I lean back against the wall.

It is going to be a deep night.

-X-

The last few moments I could look in my master's clear blue eyes, I felt a flutter in my stomach. That might seem insignificant to you, but for me? Let's just say that has an average of about three times a millennia.

I began without warning; it's easier to penetrate an unsuspecting mind. What I saw surprised me. It was Integra playing with her father at a very young age. Integra was all giggles and sunshine, and Arthur was actually sober. You can understand my initial shock.

_"Father," she asked. "Will you always play with me?"_

_Arthur paused and looked thoughtful._

_"My darling," be began, but stopped. He looked down at her looking up at him. "How about we save these big questions for another day? Hmm?"_

_Integra grinned and put her little hand on his. "Don't worry, I'll protect you."_

_"From what?" he asked._

_"Why, death of course."_

I laughed at the look on Arthur's face. Couldn't have put it better myself.

The next image was her at school. She was in the middle of the class. All the children around her were talking and laughing. Integra sat stoic, so unlike the girl that was playing with her father. A girl in front of Integra threw a wad of paper at the teacher, who came out of his trance where before he was so busy ignoring his students he didn't even notice them completely oblivious to whatever he was trying to impart on their young minds.

_"Integra threw it sir!" one girl said, raising her hand enthusiastically._

_"Miss Hellsing," he said, looking over the rims of his glasses at her. "I suggest you come speak with me after class."_

The whole class went 'ooh._'_

Integra didn't have any visible reaction to this.

I knew I wasn't in the right place. These were all surface memories, not very significant, at the top of her mind. I needed to go deeper. I delved farther in.

The next memory was not only familiar, but told me that I was going in the right direction.

It was the first time she met me. I enjoyed watching the scene play out from her point of view.

The memories kept coming. Who ever attacked her did a good job of it, her recollection of the event was buried very well.

I was never expecting what came next.

"_What? What are you planning Master? You damn well not be thinking of lubrication, I am not doing anal. Period." _

"_Don't be stupid, Alucard. We need to put it on your skin, make you look nice and… moist."_

"_Moist?" _

"_Walter! Body oil! Now!"_

"…_Master, do you know what happen when people have sex? Hmm?"_

What the bloody fucking hell?

"…_I'll tell you my dear innocent virgin master. It's quite messy really. People get naked and sweaty and grunt and push unsuspecting appendages into each other, like tongues and fingers and what ever else they can find. Then they proceed to grind and squeeze and make horrible faces until one of them squirts out one of various liquids or they pass out. It's very complicated. You really can't do it with just anyone-"_

I can't say that I recall that happening. Perhaps it was a dream…I hope it was a dream.

I push a little farther. I can't stay in much longer or she will never be able to recover.

She sat up straight in the chair. The room was cold and dark. In the distance I could hear thunder. She poured herself another un numbered glass. As she was letting herself become thoroughly depressed and planning on drinking until she passed out in the chair her fireplace sprung to life and out I walked from the flames. She didn't even bother jumping, although, I thought it was a nice touch.

"_Master," acknowledged Alucard._

_"Servant," she replied out of habit. _

_"I thought you retired for the evening."_

_"Nightmares," sated Integra simply._

I watched the night she disappear replay in her mind. Everything was as I remembered it. After a while, we ended our conversation, as Integra passed out. Things were black for a while as she was unconscious; as she came to, I knew I had finally struck gold.

Things were blurry at first, before she realized she didn't have her glasses on. The room around her was brightly lit and it hurt her eyes. Above her she could hear men…no, one man talking to himself.

"'Hellsing will have an heir…yes. An heir of our choosing. No more of this crazy she-devil,' crazy old men," a voice mimicked.

"Who in the bloody hell do you think you are?" she asked. Her voice was groggy and cracked as she spoke. Mentally she chided herself for being so vulnerable sounding.

The man stopped cold in his tracks.

"I," he said. "Am the man who is going to make you suffer."

**A/N Well, what do you think of that. I go on vacation in….4 days, so unless I get good feedback on this chapter there will not be another one for at least 14 days. I know it's not as long as some, and definitely not as entertaining, but this is a mini climax, so it's going to be dramatic instead. It would have been longer…but I have other stuff I have to do.**


	8. Open Mystery Man

"I hope you plan on doing a thorough job," said Integra through gritted teeth. "Because if you don't finish me off, I will find you and I will get my retribution, tenfold."

She could see the outline of the man as he threw his head back and laughed.

"I hardly think that is going to be a problem, - after all, I'm only here to a job. Wouldn't want to jeopardize the second part of the payment by damaging the goods."

"Who hired you?" demanded Integra. She had to keep him talking. It didn't really matter what he said, she was inspecting the area around her, it seemed familiar.

"The Knights, of course," he said, surprising her with an answer.

She had gathered that she was tied to a hospital bed, she was a little sore, but mostly her head hurt.

"Bastards," spat Integra. "What do they want?"

"Everything," he said. "Really, what don't they want? Greedy little buggers, aren't they?"

The room was not a large one. Just enough for the two of them, and a surplus of medical supplies. Internally Integra prayed that they had been properly sanitized.

"Really, you should be proud," he said. "It took a lot of planning to get into this tight assed place. I had to sneak around for _weeks_."

The door was re-enforced steel, and she was cold. She couldn't see anything else, not without her glasses. Really, she needed to get laser surgery…soon.

She tried to move her body, to maybe get a better look at the man, but was surprised to find herself paralyzed from the waist down.

"What have you done to me?" she asked in a tone that had actually killed some men.

"Oh, it's a surprise." She watched a grin creep over his face. "Don't worry, you're going to live, if that's what you are worried about, and the paralysis will wear off in a few minutes."

"Then why don't you let me go?" she asked. "Why all the teasing?"

She saw his form shrug.

"I have to wait to administer the serum," he explained. "Have to wait twenty-four hours before I can pump it into your skull, or it'll take you back too far."

Serum? That did not sound good. What did he mean 'back too far?' Integra started forming a plan; she needed to get out of here.

"Well, since we're going to be here for awhile," she asked in what she hoped was a sweet tone, but was no different from the voice she usually used. "I suppose it would be reasonable to request my spectacles."

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Whatever you want sweetheart," he said as he walked over to the end table next to her bed to pick them up. She felt the bed sink as he sat on its edge. Slowly he eased her glasses onto her face, brashly breaching what Integra considered personal space.

"Do you think I might have some water as well?"

"Yeah, whatever."

Integra waited patiently as her requested item was brought to her. While he was doing it, she took at long look at him. He was young, sixteen, or seventeen, maybe. Not nearly as old as she had once thought. He had brown hair and handsome green eyes. Idly she wondered if he had any idea what he was doing to her, or if he was some kid playing doctor.

"How's that?" he asked.

"Good," she said taking a sip of the water. She paused again running through the details of her escape plan. "So, tell me how you infiltrated Hellsing and snatched up its leader."

"Details, details," he said sweetly.

"Really," she insisted, beginning to feel her toes. "I would love to know."

"It was easy once I figured out who was in your inner circle," he began. "You know, the vampire, the butler, etcetera. I'd come to Hellsing one morning, claiming I was hired help for household duties, the goons at the check-in point believed me. I kept a low profile in the building for weeks after that, stealing food and stuff when I had to, but I got it. I slipped a restless sleep solution into your tea one night in the kitchen. I figured waking up from one of those babies would bring you to the Scotch fast enough. Of course, I was right. By then I had planted a simple but powerful drug into it, a common date rape pill, you can get them on the streets anywhere. It worked perfectly, your pet vampire didn't even realize."

"Seems like a lot of speculation to me," said Integra, slightly miffed and slightly impressed.

"Yeah, well you do what you have to do," he said with almost a bitter tone in his voice.

"I suppose that means you've been staying in the dungeons this whole time?"

"Yep," he said, happy that she had caught on. "I figured no one would be crazy enough to look down there for a stow-away. I mean how many people are crazy enough to actually sleep next to two angry vampires?"

Integra gently laughed. Who knew that Police Girl's fears about the dungeons would be so well founded? The man looked at her confused.

"What's your name, boy?" she asked.

He looked at her with long eyes.

"I don't know anymore," he almost whispered, but with a thick voice. Integra thought it was surprisingly uncharacteristic considering his so-far chipper disposition.

Integra looked him up and down. Of all the questions she had asked tonight, this one seemed to be an odd choice to not answer.

"Forgive me for inquiring, but you don't seem the sort to want to go around snatching people up for a buck."

"I'm not," he agreed quickly. "I was trained in an English territory in Syria. It is why I sound British even though I was born in America. I was part of an experiment involving five orphans. We were all raised to have superb assignation abilities and technique, the ultimate war weapons. To make a long story short after awhile we got sick of being there little toys and made a break to escape. I was the only survivor. We got cocky, thought we could do better them, and we did. We just did not include all the unknown variables, like exposure to new viruses and bacteria. The others died before they could build up a resistance.

Meanwhile, I needed to eat. I couldn't get a job or anything; with no official existence, no one would have me. I joined a few street gangs and stuff that would support me in exchange for my services. Word got out about me I guess because finally I stumbled across these guys, the Knights. They promised me all the official papers if I could get to you. Seemed like a pretty sweet deal."

Integra shock her head.

"You silly boy," she said. "They are going to kill you, you do realize that?"

He cocked his head and looked at her.

"You think so?" he asked. "Oh well, it's not like I have a lot of choices. Besides, I like my chances. After all, I'm a strapping young man, they're just a bunch of old codgers."

By now the feeling had spread completely through her body.

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked, genuinely curious.

He grinned in a sympathetic manner. "Because you won't remember a thing."

"What," she asked sharply.

"The serum I told you about earlier, it will burry, so to speak, the last few days in your subconscious."

"The last few _days_?" Integra asked incredulously.

"Six to be exact. These things take time."

"What did you do to me?"

He looked her up and down.

"You know, I wasn't going to tell you, but you've sort of grown on me." He looked at his nails, pausing.

"What?"

"I have taken away your ability to produce children."

"Oh," she said too surprised to be angry. "I thought you would impregnate me."

"Oh," he said, eyes sparkling with understanding. "You thought that perhaps the Knights wanted you to have a child so they could manipulate you somehow or take over your organization….how imaginative. They are much too lazy for that, you know. By assuring that you cannot have children they secure that they will be able to get rid of you specifically, and not have to deal with Alucard or the problems that you bring to their table. I believe I heard something about letting the Catholics take over the vampire slaying departments later on after you're…taken care of."

It made sense, after all. The Knights probably wanted her to think that they wanted her to have children so that when this happened the heat would be off them.

"Alucard would avenge me," said Integra. "Not disappear like some beaten dog."

The man/boy shook his head.

"Nope, Big Red's connected to you through a blood bond. Your line's demise is his. If you can't command him then his existence is pointless and he will cease to exist, a good occult member could tell you that."

He wasn't lying, she could just tell. Integra mentally wondered if Alucard knew about this end of terms agreement based on the said 'blood bond.'

In an instant decision, Integra threw her old plan to the wind. She was going to try a different approach.

"Would you like you work for me?" she asked in a curious voice.

"Is that an offer?" he retorted.

"Only if you want it to be," she replied.

"After I kidnapped you and took away your chance to continue your family's legacy, I can see how you'd be dying to be my new employer," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Didn't you know? I always hire the the insane and talented. My whole workforce is made up almost completely of vampires, mercenaries, retired soldiers, and elderly butlers."

"What an interesting ensemble," he replied.

"Ah, but it's extremely effective."

"Yeah, except for the odd kidnapper that slips thorough they seem fairly competent. You know, I did watch you people for _weeks_."

"You can't be that fond of the Knights," she almost commanded him.

"I hate their weasely black guts, but they have something I want."

"So do I, on both accounts," she insisted. "I can give you something better than papers. I will give you purpose, a new life. One where you don't have to hide you abilities, you can embrace them. You can even pick out a new name, if you'd like."

He looked at like one might a particularly interesting insect.

"You know, I did hear that you were insane, but I must say this proves it."

"I'm always looking for new talent," she said, amused at their banter.

"What about that whole 'I will get my retribution, tenfold' thing."

"Well, to be quite honest with you I have this inkling feeling you know how to give me back my womb if you wanted. I also think you could be a good addition and a valuable asset, of you wanted."

They looked at each other for a moment. Integra was clad in a white night gown and he was wearing an expression of consideration.

"You promise you won't have me eaten, etcetera?"

"You have my word, as a Hellsing."

He grinned at her.

"Okay, Hellsing, we have a deal," as he reached out to shake her hand.

Her grip was firm, but so was his. He helped her up off the bed.

She stood up quickly, too quickly. The blood rushed to her head and made her dizzy. He swayed on her feet. There was too much light. Too much air. She fell back, but he grabbed her as she fell. He eased her back onto the bed. Her body started to convulse.

"Must be a reaction to the paralysis," he murmured.

"Just make it stop!" she yelled between muscle spasms.

"They have to run their course," he said angrily. "I can't do a damned thing!"

Then just as fate was playing a cruel joke on them, her hand shot out and hit the end of the surgical tray beside her bed. All the contents went flying into the air, including the memory serum. The male watched at it rained medical supplies, a look of horror crossed his face as he lunged foreword and tried to intercept the flying syringe, he was a second too late. It landed, needle end down in her chest.

The last thing she remembered before she passed out was him talking to her.

"They are so never going to believe this. Well, Boss, I suppose the least I can do is drag you up to your room so they can take care of you while I find a way to put you right."

And then everything went black.

OoOoOoO

Alucard pulled out of her mind, having found what he was looking for. He was rather surprised. That was not what he had been expecting at all. Oh well, at least he could relax a little now. He supposed maybe he would not have to go off killing anyone just yet. He had a lot to think about.

He looked down at the woman who had slipped off the chair and into his arms. She was really something.

"Master, is she going to be alright?" asked Police Girl behind him.

"Oh yes," he said. "She's going to be fine."

"Who was it?"

Alucard purposely ignore her.

"Walter, Frogger!" he yelled at the bathroom. "Put away all those unnecessary human tools, they won't be needed." Then behind him, "Come on Police Girl, let's take Sir Integra to her room, she'll need to sleep this off. Then we're going hunting."

"Hunting, Master?" asked Seras as she jogged behind him as he was carrying Integra above ground.

"Yes, we have to locate a certain member of Hellsing and see if he requires any assistance in his endeavors."

"What the hell are you talking about you crazy old fart?"

**A/N Was it just me or was this chapter out there? I made it long though, nice and long. As always, I want feedback so through the author a review, good, bad or ugly. Also I wrote this late at night so the spelling/grammar etc, might not be perfect, but it will be correct as soon as I resume consciousness. **


	9. Pussycat

**A/N I would like to dedicate this short ad late chapter to my friend Ryu. Thank you for your help, advice, and guilt tripping me into updating. **

**Think of this chapter as a cookie, not a real chapter. This is a tidbit of what's to come, the second part of this fic, the revenge. (I don't know how many parts there are yet.)**

**Once again, sorry about error, one day I will learn to edit. Today is not that day. **

Police Girl was at my heels babbling about something that I was blatantly ignoring. Her voice could almost be painful when exposed to it for long periods of time without rest. I, however, was on a mission. I had to get Integra to her room. I had to make sure she was back where she needed to be, then I was going to find this insane kid, make him wet himself and then welcome him to the team.

Truth be told I was almost looking foreword to meeting him. He reminded me of the Angel of Death when he was young, although Walter did show much less remorse for his actions, there was still hope for this newcomer. If things go the way I planned we'll get a replacement for the elderly retainer. Put him strictly on weaponry and let him mother Integra with his free time.

But first there was the matter of setting Integra right and getting her on her feet. After that we could unleash hell on those knight bastards and spit on their graves. The boy was right, they are old bastards.

"Master, what are we hunting?" interjected the Police Girl interrupting my thought process. "I don't want to have to kill any defenseless animals, they can't help that their on the bottom of the food chain."

Sometime I want to hit Seras, just plain beat the hell out of her. It wasn't enough that she clings to her humanity like a drowning cat, she has actually managed to find extra reservoirs of that cursed emotion and has become even more human than she was when she was alive. Crazy woman, she's lucky I've become so merciful in my old age. Two hundred years ago she would have been puling herself up a long pointy pole for the rest of eternity.

"What happened," she asked, momentarily pulled put of her little world of blondness. "I mean who did it Master? I don't mind killing them at all. In fact I was watching this great movie where this man tortures this other guy with a bucket and a rat and I've been dying to try it."

And then she'd say something like that and you'd feel a little spec of relief, she wasn't a complete loss after all.

"Master? Are you ignoring me?" I could feel her glaring at my back as we emerged in Integra's room. "You are! Damn it Master! This is something important, now is not the time to play cat and mouse!"

I walked over to Integra's bed and sat her in it. I thought about putting her into her pajamas, but I had a big enough headache with out the addition of bullet holes. Besides, we had to find the mystery man before he got cold feet and ran off.

"Police Girl, where's your weapon?" I asked, hoping for once that she would be prepared, just _once_.

She looked at me for a moment, then her eyes grew wide.

"In the basement….I think," she supplied slowly y.

I narrowed my eyes at her in a way that I felt probably looked menacing. It was never going to happen. My dear Police Girl, are you ever going to become an adult?

"You lost a fucking _cannon_ Police Girl?"

"I didn't lose it," she said defensively. "I just am unaware of it's general location is all."

Yes, that's all. You misplaced your only defense to use against the enemies of Hellsing. Your only weapon to keep those around you safe. You just misplaced that. No problem, right? Why not just drink your blood. You're a vampire either way; you might as well be a useful one.

"Come on," I hissed. "Follow me and don't get in the way." And I turned to leave, there was only one place he would be if he truly studied Hellsing the way he said he did. If he wasn't there, well, he was hardly worth the trouble of finding, that was Hellsing's most secret place. The place you went if you didn't want enemies to find you, but allies came freely.

"If you're so worried that I'm going to get in the way why do you always drag me along with you?" she mumbled under her breath, probably thinking I wouldn't hear her.

"Because," I said, turning to face her. Already she was making herself a nuisance. "I am trying to teach you something Police Girl. I am your damned mentor, it's my goddamn job. I am obligated to make sure that there are actually a few thoughts running wild inside that empty chamber you call a mind."

I watched her stop and look at me with those big red eyes.

"Is that all I am to you Master…an obligation?" I could see the tears of blood pooling in the whites of those pretty orbs. "Am I just a failed experiment?"

Why did she always find to most awkward times to be difficult.

"Pull yourself together Police Girl. You are what you are, accept it. Now is not the time for a silly little girl's water works." Tough love, that's what it was. "If you really want to prove your worth, you'll start thinking of someone other than yourself."

She didn't say anything, just pointed her chin a bit higher and nodded.

"Come on, follow me,"

XoXoXoXoXoXoXoX

I woke up feeling sore. I must have had a bad night at the shooting range again. Bed felt so good, especially compared to the prospect of having to do copious amounts of paperwork. I stretched slightly and opened my eyes, I would have to start the day sometime after all.

And then it hit me like a flying squirrel on crack. Everything. The abduction, the memory loss, Alucard and Seras….everything. Well, at least I would have a good excuse for the Queen when my files and reports weren't done on time.

The Queen, I never thought of her. Was there a chance she had a hand in this? No, most definitely not. However, that did not mean she was going to accept the story of what the Knights had done with open arms. She was a smart woman, and the whole ordeal sounded fictional, even to me, and I was there.

I sighed and got out off the bed. What was I supposed to do know?

How did I even get here?

I mentally shrugged. Alucard probably dragged me up here. I was partially surprised that he hadn't tried to change my clothes, that was one of his favorite tricks to take advantage of me. Maybe I had finally shot some sense into him.

_Alucard_, I called mentally. _Where are you, servant?_

I waited for a reply. For a few good second, which was unusual, usually Alucard's responses were more prompt; he was probably brooding over the Police Girl again.

_I'm searching for your lost pup, of course, _he replied, after awhile. _Take a shower, Master, you smell horrible. I'll be along soon, and I'll bring the whelp with me._

_You do not give me orders you damned vampire! However, I suppose your plan will suffice._

_Don't be so repetitive. All vampires are damned._

Integra fumed. That was not the point of what she said. He was trying to provoke her.

_Don't be a smart arse and you will find me less repetitive, and I'll call you whatever I please, be it damned vampire or pussy cat, you damned vampire._

There was a pause, she could almost feel him grinning.

_As you wish, my Master._

_Good, see that my will is done._

_Of course, _he said. _ And Master? I am very glad that you have returned safely._

Integra felt a pang of something in her chest.

_Serve your purpose, Alucard. It is not your place to feel._

**The more reviews I get the longer the next chapter, 20 extra words for each review. How's that for a deal?**


	10. Whims and Wanderings

**AN – Well I got twenty reviews, so I guess that means that I am going to write an extra 300 words. How exciting. I hope you guys appreciate this. Sorry about the late update, but I am busier than eight people put together.**

My Master had stopped after lecturing me about my Halcannon. I could tell by the expression on his face he was talking to Sir Integra. Internally I did a cheerful jig, that usually put him in a better mood. Perhaps he would be less of an evil tyrant while we were 'hunting.'

But, I was wrong, as per normal. I was quickly finding I was usually wrong these days. Master had seemed to have found the end of his rope with his patience for me and was starting to treat me in a most harsh manner. A part of me was happy I was resisting The Change, but another, bigger part of me, was eating itself alive…desperately wanting to please my Master. It was beginning to pull me apart, I was beginning to feel that I no matter what I did I would be a disappointment.

He frowned, making him look older, he always looked more his age when he was downcast. I think it's why he smiled so much.

"Police Girl," he said in a cold velvet voice. "Is it not our place to feel?" he asked me unexpectedly.

I was shocked to say the least. Master never spoke to me about such matters. He said that only humans concerned themselves with petty emotion.

"No Master," I offered, hoping it was the right answer. "We too must feel something, or we would be ghouls."

"That's right," he said, perhaps trying to convince himself. "A vampire is feeling to. We feel Seras Victoria; we just concern our feeling on more important matters. We're life's rejects; we know better than anyone what it's like to _feel_."

He was scaring me more than a little. "What do you mean, Master?"

"I mean," he said, turning to look at me, "that though we may be called monsters we are a special breed Seras Victoria. We are vampires capable of logic and caring, it's just we tend to hold emotion for things like power and blood. Not petty things, not like humans."

"You sound like you're trying to convince yourself."

He paused. And then he looked at me with two big red eyes, and I was unsure if I should run or hide, perhaps both.

"I said it was a tendency Police Girl, there are exceptions to that rule. There are some peaceful vampire, they're very low-key, a lot of…normal vampires don't even know about them." Hs voice held a smile once more. "Don't tell the humans though; if they think we're all just horribly misunderstood creatures that need a little affection they'll try to make friends with us then place in a cage at the zoo."

We were walking again. It was a familiar root, to the dungeons….again. I could have asked where we were going, but I had different things on my mind.

"Am I an exception to that rule, Master?" I asked hesitantly.

He looked at me.

"You damn well better be, otherwise you just incredibly pathetic." I smacked his arm.

"That's not nice," I said. Hoping he would keep up his good mood awhile longer. "Does that mean I can stop drinking my blood?"

"I said you were an exception to the rule, not a godamn medical miracle, even genetically impaired vampires need blood."

"Are you just saying this tome to make me feel better?" I asked sarcastically. "What are you trying to tell me Master?"

He looked at me, it was a hard long look that made me want to squirm, so I did.

"Do you believe yourself to be a peaceful vampire, fledging?" he asked me seriously.

"No," I answered quickly. I was a rather violent vampire in all actuality, if given the right persuasion. No point lying about that.

"Do you regret that Police Girl?" he asked me.

I thought about it. The killings, they were always sweet when I was in bloodlust. I never felt bad while I was doing it. It was always after I wanted to throw up, to cry myself to sleep. It wasn't like I wanted to hurt those people! I had to, they threatened Hellsing, it was my duty o protect….it was my duty to protect.

Suddenly I understood what Master had been trying to tell me all this time without coming out and saying it directly. I felt rather like an idiot…it had been that easy this whole time?

We were monsters. We hurt, we killed, we enjoyed it. It was our job. We relishedit. Why? Because if taking a hundred lives meant that we could save one important life, we did it. We were the great equalizers, we chose who live and died. We did evil for the sake of the greater good. It was our place to feel, but no one knew that, no one but us. No one but Master and I.

Then I knew, we were peaceful vampires. We just had a funny way of showing it.

Maybe I would drink my blood that night after all, if it would help keep the others safe.

"Very good Police Girl," rumbled Alucard. "I knew you would catch on, someday."

……………………………………………………………………………………..

_It's not your place to feel, servant._

What cruel words master. Did you really mean them? It's a sad, sad day when I'm forced to ease my mind with conversation from the Police Girl. I think she might have finally figured out her place here. It's about time to, I practically had to throw her into the right direction, but she understands now, and she came to her own conclusions. Perhaps she will be the creature I have hoped her to be after all. Maybe she'll finally get into Frogger's pants too, make a day out of it.

I'm glad she understands now, she'll need to be strong. One day she might be all that Hellsing has left. Now I can start to train her, make her a good replacement for me, when I finally decide to settle down for awhile, maybe take a long nap….probably after Integra leaves me. I can't imagine I'll be up to saving mankind when I'm without her, it won't ever be the same without my fearless Master, I could never truly give my full loyalty to another, I would be foolish to try.

Clearly, she is sore about something. I wonder what? I suppose I'll have to wait to find out, women always languish about everything, it's just in their nature, I can hardly hold it against her.

I speed up, eager to bring this new servant of Hellsing to it's Master. I can hear Police Girl jogging to keep up behind me. One day I'll teach her to be quiet, but that may take more patience that I have yet to acquire.

I knew turning her would be a good idea. She was perfect. She would be able to do the job well. She would accept it, but not embrace it. She would live for others, while living for herself. I was quite pleased with my own brilliance, I found the one human who had the ability to be a vampire, but no desire for it, and I turned her into a dammed Angel. I hope this was getting me some brownie points somewhere, there was no way that I was going to be one of Satan's minions, that creature had no finesse, or fashion sense, I could hardy be an evil minion for a naked red man who insisted on carrying nothing but a simple pitch fork, that was just…inappropriate.

I stopped; we were at the top of the dungeons. We were about to descend into the last remaining secret weapon that I had any knowledge of. If the boy was truly a ally, he would have come here. It was only logical if you really had surmised as much as the castle as he claimed he had. And if he wasn't here, well, then he was not who he said, enemy or idiot, he would not be welcomed.

"Come on Police Girl," I said behind me. "We're going in."

"Master," said Police Girl in a confused voice. "We _live_ here."

"No," I said. "There is one last place, deeper than the dungeons. The chambers."

"What?" she asked.

"It's the place of all Hellsing's experiments. It was originally a cave, They did all their science work here, away from the light of day." I paused for dramatic effect. "I would know, I was one of them."

"He's down there by himself?" she asked, obviously refusing to acknowledge my comment. She was dead stubborn on ignoring any part of my past that may bring me down in her eyes, really, the girl if the girl was intent on worshipping me I wasn't going to stop her. "Isn't that a bad idea?"

"Think of it as a rest Police Girl, if he lives he might be worthy, if not…then he's dead and we don't have to worry about it anyway."

………………………………………………………………………………..

They had been gone an awfully long time. I was beginning to regret what I'd said to Alucard. It was just me being stubborn. I could not blame him because I went and allowed my self to get drugged up and kidnapped. He would have done something he was able.

Alucard had always been there for me. Seras had refreshed my memory. When I had forgotten who I was, it was her that reminded me. I was as much Alucard's fledging as the Police Girl. He raised me, and made me into the leader I am, whether I was aware of it or not. I am a product of my mentor.

I've decided I have mixed feeling about this. A part of me is eternally grateful, but another part is angry. This means that I am permanently indebted to him. I owe him my life, essentially. One day I might have to may pay the piper, if he asks…and Alucard might very well ask. I've always known that he has wanted to turn me. I have also always known that I could never live as an undead night walker. I am a warrior, a leader, a woman with obligations. It is not an honorable path, but neither is leaving such a great debt unfulfilled. I no longer know the path I walk, this is strange territory. I am afraid, and he is no longer here to guide me.

I remember when I was young, he would teach me, talk to me. Always like an adult. Always with a new challenge. He taught me more than my other teachers combined. They taught me maths and laws. Alucard taught me how to read people, how to get what I wanted. He taught me how to dress, how to act. He was the first to call me Sir Hellsing. He played with me when I was sick child, in dog form. He made fun of the Knights with me, he read to me books from other languages in English so that I may be well rounded. He had done so much for me, and I had not seen it before. I was a fool, and I was blind.

What were my feeling towards the vampire, was I willing to acknowledge them? Perhaps not. Was I going to try? Yes, it would be unfair to both of us not to look into this. I was nothing if not for him, and I would not forget my place as Hellsing's leader was there because he gave it to me.

I looked down at the pile of ashes at my feet. Perhaps I would just have to find away to make him human, I joked with myself. What a strange concept. A human vampire…..I clearly needed rest.

I felt bad for the Police Girl, she was so lost. She had known all along this possibility. I was beginning to see that she was much more intuitive than I had first realized.

Soon they would be back, hopefully with Hellsing's new retainer in tow. That would be nice. Walter could finally have a protégé of his own, he deserved to know that someone competent would be taking his place. I wasn't ignorant, my old butler knew that he only had a few more good stable years ahead of him, before he would start becoming senile. He would never allow that to happen. Walter would go out in a bang for Hellsing, as he had always planed, he just had to pick the battle.

My life had just changed drastically once more, and I found my selfwanting for the past. A Hellsing without Walter? What sort of place was that? Who would taunt Alucard and tell me when I was getting out of hand? Who would remember my favorite tea for my different moods? What was I going to do when I lost the second father that I had learned to rely on so much?

And, that, was when I realized what my life had become. And I was not sorry for the reasons I should have been.

**Someone help me. I need help in the editing area. Badly. I need someone good too. Damn good.**


	11. Brazilian?

This place was just fucked up. I had already run across three sets of skeletons and a couple of mounds of goop that even _I_ could not recognize. This was just disgusting. Goddamn vampires, taking so long. Didn't they understand that it was filthy down here? Damn little creatures, they might have all the time in the world, but I certainly didn't.

I hoped I had picked a good hiding spot. I thought it was logical, I had stumbled across this cave place only a few days previously, it seemed like a nice hole to curl up in. It looked pretty forgotten, like no one had been down here in a few decades. I figured that'd mean the vampire duo would know it was here and come looking….well, if they were really as good as people said they were. For all I know they just two crazy nightwalkers with a short leash and a thick bloodlust.

I'm not afraid of the little one, the girl. I watched her. She always seemed so…helpless. Like she lost her teddy bear. The other one, the male, he was something else. I can sometimes just imagine him ripping me from shred to shred with a smile on his face and a song in his heart, but that's my imagination for you.

They should be here soon. Silly creatures, they probably lost their way in the dark.

I looked around for a police to rest my bones. I found a nice old-fashioned torture chair and proceeded towards it. Maybe not the most comfortable of things, but it would do the job for now.

This was sort of cozy, if you were into the whole blood and gore thing. I guess I could go for that for a while. Why not? Hell, it's one of my policies to not knock things until I've tried them. I'm very open minded, all things considered.

I hope these blood suckers find me, it's not everyday a guy gets asked to take such a…form fitting job. I hope they figure out I didn't actually snatch their leader up and screw her head around till she got so fucked up she started yelling nasty accusations at her old butler…at least I didn't go through with it completely.

Now I just sit and wait….as patiently as I can I suppose.

……………………………….

"Master, I think I just stepped in a pile of road kill."

Alucard didn't bother looking back at the girl, he just mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that, Master?" she asked, shacking her foot, trying to get the wired stuff off her person. "I couldn't hear you."

"It's just the remains of old experiments. For some time the Hellsing family tried to convert vampires into human, those piles of decomposed goop are the only remnants of that disaster," he explained. "Keep you voice down, if this man isn't what he says he is he could hear you and attack us by surprise."

Seras just shrugged her shoulders, and continued to follow him.

"It's not like it matters anyway, as long as I'm with you I'm sure were safe."

Alucard thought the Police Girl had a point. He was the scariest thing around. He was bad ass, the image of velvet darkness. It was just this place; it had always put him on edge. It was the origin of his servitude; he wasn't sure if he should be happy or upset about being back. Alucard didn't like being confused, least of all about what he should be _feeling_. He might get cooties.

"Master, why do you think Integra invited him to us? I would think she'd be weary of him."

Seras put her hands in her pockets, casually looking around at her surroundings in a curios sort of way. Alucard on the other hand was slightly hunched, looking intently like a caged animal. Seras was so used to his random behaviors she didn't even bother questioning what he was up to now, she'd just learned to accept things. She was becoming very apt at that particular skill.

He didn't answer her, just kept walking. She accepted his silence as his way of telling her she was rambling again.

It was when he fell down to his knees and started to sniff around the floor that Seras began to worry, she was fairly certain the was not normal behavior, not even for him. She contemplated asking him, but then again…maybe the moment he took leave of his senses wasn't the time to start up idle chatter. If she had learned one thing form living among an age old vampire, it was this: Don't provoke the thing with fangs.

He grunted.

She moved away slightly.

"Police Girl," he barked. "We've found the little bastard! I think he might be worth his salt."

He looked up from the floor where he had previously been faced at. He stated to say something with a grin on his face, but stopped short.

Seras couldn't really figure out how he could tell that Sir Integra's latest addition was down there, but if Master said he was, then chances were good that it was true. He might be insane, but he was also highly effective.

He was still giving her an odd look after a few moments.

"What," she asked. "Did I spill something on uniform?"

"No," he said slowly. Seras was immediately suspicious. "Police Girl, don't take this the wrong way, but I can see up your skirt."

She instantly blushed and tried to cross her legs, but ended up tripping herself.

"Master!" What on earth posses that man?

"Oh please," he snorted, "like you have anything I haven't seen!"

"That's not the point!" she half yelled back. "Besides, if you've seen so much, why are you looking?"

He growled in exasperation from where he was now across from her since the fall.

"I was only going to tell you that you may want to consider getting a brazilian, seeing as you're thinking about getting it up with the Frog, all that hair might scare him off!" he retorted, attempting to make jab in her pride after she wounded his.

"What!" she looked half-scared, and half-angry. "Master, I am very well groomed, not that it's any of your business. You damn lecher, I swear, it's a wonder some angry PMSing leader with long blonde hair and a loaded gun hasn't snatched your ass into shape."

_Stupid girl,_ Alucard though to himself. _I was just going to ask Seras if she'd like a different uniform. At the very least let me take her shopping. Really, the girl has no sense of fashion._

"Oh, shut it you," she murmured. "Just because you look like the Victorian era threw-up on you doesn't mean the rest of want to."

She grinned at him to let him know she was joking. He tried to conceal his shock.

She had read his thoughts! What an interesting new development, And it seemed she didn't even know she did it. Ohhh, the fun he could have with this!

"Master," she asked hesitantly. "I didn't want to ask before…but why are you crawling on the floor."

He smirked.

"I don't crawl, Police Girl." He put his hand on the floor and felt around. After a few moment s he seemed to find what he was looking for. To Seras, it looked like he grabbed something and pulled. She supposed she must be right, because an instant later there was a hole in the floor, leading down a flight of stairs.

"Wait here," he said. "I'll be back, my dear fledging. Make sure nothing escapes that shouldn't."

And with those words he descended into the darkness.

Seras stood there, watching him. Well, so much for keeping a low profile, they'd made so much noise arguing that whoever was down there was bound to know they were on there way.

………………………………………………………………………

As I sat on the top stair, leading to a black oblivion I vaguely wondered what Master was doing down there. He had been absent forever, it seemed. It was unnerving. Usually at the very least, I could hear gunshots when he left me behind. It had grown to be a slight comfort, those angry bangs. The irony that the sound of death was one of my few comforts in the world was not lost on me.

Quite honestly, I was a bit put off. Who did he think he was? Going down there and leaving me behind? I wanted to meet the new kid too. It was my secret desire that maybe he would replace me as a rookie. The others could call him Soldier Boy… and of course I'd stick up for him, because that just isn't nice. He'd be grateful, and then maybe we could be friends. It would be nice to have someone to talk to…someone who did not think I was so…useless.

Humph. Like it would actually happen that way. He'd probably be some pervert, intent on replacing me as…whatever the hell it was I was. Assassin, I guess. Bastard.

Why did Master even bring me along, if I was just to sit up here and wait for him anyway? Who died and made him king? Wait….stupid question.

Well, there's always Pip, he seems to like me well enough. Although…I don't know. I hate to be too found of him, he does not seem like the sort to stick around…and I think I scared him a little the other day when I growled at him. Master wouldn't approve of him anyhow…well…maybe he'd be okay if I just wanted to get into his pants, maybe make a day out of it…but I don't know if I want my first relationship to be all sex and…sex.

Master, he could really make my blood boil sometimes. He always seemed to have something better to do…and he did really, if you think about it. But that didn't mean he had to be all high and mighty about it! Damn old corpse anyway thinks he knows everything. I should give the old bat a piece of my mind. Well, maybe he had been better lately, but he probably wanted something. I wasn't about to count my chickens before they hatched.

I wished the dark wasn't so bright.It used to be a place I could hide away, now it seemed so exposed….especially when you're alone on the top of a staircase.

I must have sat there for dozens upon dozens of minutes, waiting for Master to submerge. He was always taking heis sweet time, especially on missi-

"Are you ready, Police Girl?" he asked from behind me. I swung around. There he was, standing there in all his immodest glory. He had a bundle in his arms, much the way he had bundled me, when he first drug me home.

"Was he not worthy?" I asked.

"On the contrary," he said. "He's very good. He lasted against me a full three minutes, even the Angel of Death would have trouble with that. I just knocked him unconscious, I didn't want him to get any crazy ideas on the way back upstairs, ideas like running."

"Why would he run?" I asked, following him, as he began to walk.

"A vampire in all it's power can be a trying thing to behold Police Girl. If he is having second thought, he must be eliminated. We can't have a potential enemy running around with Hellsing's blueprints in his head."

"What happened down there?" I asked.

"You'll find out next chapter," said Alucard, knowingly. "I'm going to explain it to Sir Integra, because she's going to be upset I knocked him out, perhaps even ruining her new to. Then I'll show you what happened with my amazing mental powers."

"That sounds cool," said Seras. "I guess I want to see that. I bet that the author would appreciate reviews, maybe help him get the story out faster."

Alucard nodded, and they headed back to whence they came.


	12. Bloody Rags

Disclaimer- I own nothing, I make no money, I only claim what is mine…plot and new kid.

On with the show……

She was waiting rather impatiently at her desk, tapping her fingers in a manner that, if she had not been the one doing the tapping, would have driven her insane. As it was she had to fight hell and high water to go back into her office. Her butler had insisted she stay in bed, but she wasn't some lazy shlump to sit around idly and twiddle her thumbs. It was amazing really, how quickly she had showered, dressed and managed to choke down some morsel that her butler insisted she eat to keep up her strength. Unfortunately her speed was not necessary, not acknowledged. She had been waiting for her servants, impatiently. She was eager to once again speak with this newcomer, he was intriguing to her.

Undoubtedly Alucard would want to use him to replace Walter, and she too could see the benefits there. It was not her intention to do this, however. She had other plans for this man-child. He was to be her revenge, her redemption and her ally….all at once. Not that she didn't want another butler, but Walter was one of a kind. It would be impossible to replace him, not to mention insulting.

Hmmmm, sometimes she thought she was too brilliant for her own good.

"Sir Integra?" a muffled voice came through the door. "Your guests have arrived."

She grinned to herself.

"Allow them to enter, Walter," she called, hoping that she hid any trace of eagerness in her voice.

The Police Girl came in first and instantly Integra felt a twinge of fondness for her pet's pet.

"Seras Victoria," she acknowledged with a bow of her head. "I would like to formally thank you for your regard of my well being, from recent past events."

Seras practically beamed so hard that a halo emanated from her.

"Your kindness will not be forgotten," continued Integra. "However, in the future may I discourage the use of dusty closets for bonding sessions?"

"Of course, Sir Integra," mumbled Seras, having the decency to look chided.

Alucard, who had followed the Police Girl into the room and had paused in front of the door with a cocked eyebrow to watch their exchange now continued to walk toward a sofa located at the end of the room that Integra sometimes used to take short naps on, when she didn't want to leave the office.

"You ended up in a closet too?" he asked absently. He didn't need words from his master to know he did well, the fact that he didn't have any extra orifices in his person told him that she was pleased. "I don't suppose you had a nasty run in with some unsavory cleaning products as well?'

Alucard dumped a tarp wrapped body onto the couch.

"I certainly did, some Endust got the better of me when I was immobile, but I got even. Threw it as Police Girls head, and we all know how dense that is. Apt punishment, I believe."

Both Seras and Integra ignored his speech on his closet experience. Seras knew he was just insulting her, trying to get Integra to perhaps not notice the body as much. Sir Integra knew he was stalling.

"I suppose that's my new operative," Integra said dryly.

"Err, yes," said Alucard. "It is."

"Alucard," she asked shortly, a hint of exasperation in her voice. "Why did you wrap him in a tarp?"

He opened mouth to speak, but she stopped him.

"I-"

"Never mind, I don't want to know."

Police Girl eyed the lump on the couch, a concerned look on her face.

"Can he breathe in there?"

Integra and Alucard looked at each other.

"Excellent point," said Integra, moving to remove the cloth surrounding him.

Alucard made a sudden movement, as if to stop her, but it was too late.

She pulled at the corner of the cloth and watched as the man was unrolled onto the floor at her feet.

She looked at the body.

She looked at Alucard.

She looked back at the body.

"Alucard," she asked slowly. "Why did you turn my newest affiliate into something resembling a bloody rag?"

"Oh," he said. "I suppose we got a little overzealous."

Integra looked at the Police Girl, looking for an explanation, expecting some semblance of actuality. However, Seras just shrugged and looked back.

"He left me outside in the dark," she told Integra. "Supposedly I was supposed to be guarding the door, making sure nothing made an escape for it. Actually, I think he just wanted to look up my skirt."  
"Hmmm," agreed Integra, accepting this explanation. She didn't want to know many things, the relationship between her pet and his plaything just one of them. There was a part of her not eager to explore the tightness in her chest that she experienced whenever she felt she was the odd wheel.

"Excuse me, Police Girl? I thought I made it quite clear that I was just finding a way to express that I was simply looking out for your best interest," Alucard said, defiantly. "I hardly need to go scrounging around on the ground, peeping like a school boy to fulfill any curioisities I might have. I'm quite capable of wooing anything I want, with reservoirs of effort to spare."

"And yet," said a raspy voice, "you still can't get the one you really want."

It was the pile of bloody rags. He was….awake? No, not really. He was conscious.

"I think it's pretty obvious who holds your heart," he said. "After all, it was your choice."

Alucard kicked him in the head.

"Delusional," he said. "I think he's lost a lot of blood. Best to ignore them when they rant like that."

"Oh?" asked Seras Victoria, making a mental note.

"What an interesting time to regain coherency," acknowledged Integra, trying to change the subject. Stomping down that feeling of…..whatever it was. Definitely not jealousy. Definitely…not.  
"Yes," said Alucard quickly, "Well, he's fit for the job, master. He lasted quite a while against me, and I wasn't going easy on him. He got a bit bloody, as you can see, but that's his own fault."

"How so?

"The fight was short, as you would expect. After we were done, I kindly asked to explore hiss endurance levels," Alucard said with a grin. "He obliged me."

Integra scrutinized him for a moment.

"So you tortured him until he passed out?" she asked.

"Basically," he responded.

"Master!" said Seras. "We don't want to scare him off!"

"No, it's alright, Officer Victoria," inserted Integra. "We needed to know what he is capable of."

Seras shrank back a bit.

"You may leave now," ordered Integra, in what she thought was a nice manner. "No need to lag about here."

Seras Victoria blushed, for God only knows what reason. Alucard shrugged and went to pick up the body.

"No," said Integra. "Don't take him to the doctors. I'll take care of him."

Alucard had the decency to not look surprised, but instead bowed and gave Integra a long look.

"What?" she asked, noticing his hesitation. "You took care of your fledgling personally, now let me take care of mine."

And it begins…dundundun. Short chapter, I know. But I'm planning on updating more frequently…I have the last chapter written, now I just need to write all the in-between ones. I'm planning on updating soon, really soon in fact. Maybe even today. But, the thing is, I'm one of those writers I hate. I've got a certain number of reviews in my head, and until I get that number for this chapter, I think I'll forget to update…..isn't that cruel? Way to manipulate, huh? The good thing is they don't have to be good reviews, flame my ass. I don't care. I wanted to get to 150 for my last chapter and only ever got to 148, so that's why this is out so late. Does any one really want to wait another couple months for a chapter? I think not. Be cool, review. I hoped you guys liked your pity chapter. Hope to hear from you!


	13. French Kisses and Misc

All and all she was very pleased with the look that had passed Alucard's face as the word "fledgling" slipped past her lips. Let him feel that burning sensation that she'd experienced so many times.

"Wrath, thy name is woman," she said to herself as she looked on at the body on her floor. She was just so damn good she could barely get over it.

She looked at the fantastically dirty man lying on her floor. She supposed she shouldn't leave him there….not when he could leave such a horrible red stain on the carpet at any rate. Instead she decided for the next best root.

Integra walked over to the man and stood above him. He truly was filthily. She wrinkled her nose just for the sake of the action and pulled out a handkerchief from the inside layer of her jacket. She gingerly dropped it from her fingertips and watched into fall down onto the body. It landed gently on his left hand and Integra once again smiles at her genius.

She reached down and grasped the filthy hand where the fabric covered it and began to drag the man along behind her as she strode with a purpose to her own chambers.

It was an interesting sound that the two made as she strung him along. Her boots would smack the floor and the sound of her exhaling the smoke from the cigar she was smoking with her free hand. Every once and awhile he would make an odd sort of grunting noise without the gravel sound, along with the random clunk that his head would make as it got caught up on a rug or some such.

She wasn't too worried about him….call it revenge for kidnapping her.

She paused in order to relight the cigar that had gone out while she had been lost in thought in her trepidation down the hall.

She didn't have to do this herself, there were dozens of people she had at her beck and call for situations like this….well, not exactly like this, but the point is that they would have done it. However, her intention ran deep. If she did it herself then it would show a sort of personal interest that would positively inflame her dark servant.

She chose not to question why she needed his attention, but the more attentions she received, she felt the more satisfied she'd be.

And that's what brought her to the decision to, after dragging the bag of bones about the residence, to give him a little…wash up.

She wasn't delicate and gentle, but she would have been if she knew how. Instead she tried to make up for her lack of grace with other little mementos.

After she dumped the man in her bath tub off the rooms she called her own she turned on the hot water and threw some lavender bath salts on her… toy. She supposed they'd sting a bit, but they'd cover the smell…and he did abduct her, it would be okay for him to suffer a slight sting.

She went to gather some rubber gloves from under the sink, and proceeded to put them on.

So there.

Then she was presented with a very surprising predicament. She was facing an unconscious man, sitting in a tub of extremely hot water that she'd forgotten to turn down, with salt in his wounds and a sweet unmanly flowery smell, surrounded in pinkish water….she felt a bit foolish.

She starred a moment, instantly wanting Walter, but she assumed calling in the elderly man would be only so pleased about her leaving a bloody trail around the house, not to mention dragging an unconscious man to bathe in her private rooms…she didn't want to have that conversation, ever. She refused to call Alucard, he would simply mock her at this point, and she needed more time to add insult to injury…..

Seras.

She was surprised it didn't come to her before. Odd really...might even make Alucard even more jealous….err, irritated. He really was over protective.

She tune on her heel and started her way to the dungeon.

Integra was surprised at how long it took to get to the bottom of the mansion from the top, no wonder everyone always just floated through walls….everyone that could anyway.

However, if that shocked her, what she would hear next would really get her gizzard.

She approached the Police Girl's door and had her hand poised to knock when suddenly it became apparent that the redhead was not alone.

Knowing she shouldn't she pressed her ear to the door, she was an intelligence agency leader after all…besides, what if she was about to walk in on a private moment.

"What are you saying, my Police Girl?" asked a French accent. There was a long pause.

"Pip…do you want to have sex?" Integra heard Seras blurt out.

"Of course," he answered easily.

"With me," she clarified.

"Oui," he verified. "What, you want to go right now?"

Integra could imagine Seras's eyes getting wide and her blushing.

"Um, no," she said, her voice softer. "Like, in the future…or something."

At this point Integra was seriously considering lying on the ground to peek under the door to see what was going on, but was saved the trouble. A dark cold mist was nipping at her heels.

'Alucard," she whispered into the black hallway. "What in bloody hell do you want?"

The mist wrapped around her ankle and pulled her to his room, she allowed herself to be led…curious.

When the mist enveloped her and pulled her though a wall she was not surprised. She saw Alucard, sitting in a chair, smiling at her.

"Enjoying the show?" he asked. "I certainly was, until you nearly ruined it. Don't forget Integra, the Police Girl doesn't need to see you, she just has to smell your sweet virgin blood…that intoxicating perfume, and she'll know you're listening."

Integra ignored his otherwise impressive attempt at charm and glared.

"Shove it you," she said. "How do we watch them?"

Alucard pretended to look hurt.

"Do you think me such a monster that I would watch my own daughter-"

"Please Alucard," she interrupted. "I know how secretly protective you are of her, you have to be watching her somehow."

He smiled, and opened his arms

She went to him, confident he wasn't about to do anything too stupid. She allowed him to embrace her, an unfamiliar flutter entering her breast.

"You know me so well, Master," he whispered to her as everything went black and Integra slipped into his mind.

The scene was an amusing one…at least to Integra, Alucard seemed rather unhappy. It was as if they were standing in the room, but no one could see them.

Pip pulled away slightly.

"Eh," he said. "Use a bit less tongue, you're slobbering."

"Sorry," Seras blushed. "I didn't-"

"S'all right," he said leaning back in. "Practice makes perfect."

Behind her Integra seemed to hear a growling.

_Randy little bastard_, he thought to her_. He Goddamn well better move his hand before I _re_move it…..I hope he cuts that skilled tongue of his on her little sharp fangs._

Seras made a happy giggly noise and Alucard made a deep frustrated one.

_Shut it you, _Integra replied_. You've wanted Seras too be more like her mold, now she's forming to fit it and you're being a child._

Pip pulled away again and lay on the bed, pulling Seras down next to him, grinning all the while. She scooted a little closer shyly, and he pulled her closer to resume kissing. It wasn't long until the hand that had been on Seras's back and neck moved to more intimate areas.

Integra laughed openly.

Alucard did not.

He removed them the moment Pip got himself to a rather large, fully clothed, breast, and Seras encouraged it.

In a smoky haze they were back in Alucard's rooms.

He grumbled about and stomped around. It wasn't until he poured himself a glass of blood and plopped himself into a chair that she realized how genuinely….disgruntled, he was.

"Alucard," she asked. "Is it really so horrible that Seras is experiencing something every typical young woman does?"

He glared at her.

"It's not typical," he defended. "You never pulled anything like this."

"I wasn't typical," she said calmly.

"Neither is she," he shouted. "She's going to get hurt; she's doing this for all the wrong reasons."

Instantly Integra knew what was going on. Alucard was afraid that Seras was going to be hurt, just like he was so many years ago. Suddenly she had no words to remedy the situation…all she knew to do was change the topic. He shouldn't dwell on past heartache, she wouldn't let that interfere with his….work, she supposed. Besides Integra had a sneaking suspicion Seras's reasons were not as corrupt as he thought they were.

"I was kissed once," declared Integra. Alucard, who had been holding his head in his hands, shot up like a firecracker.

"How is that pleasant detail helping the situation?" he asked with a rasp to his voice.

As per usual, she ignored him

"I was eleven years old. Father used to allow me to visit my schoolmates for weeks at a time, just for social reasons."

Alucard looked at her wearily.

"But the friend I went to visit, became ill. I stayed however, as Father was out of town at the time and their was no one at the house to watch me properly. My friend had an older brother, his name was James…he was a very nice boy."

Alucard looked slightly disgusted.

"James," he spat, "is the name of a plebian."

"Anyway," continued Integra in a loud voice. "We would go biking together, he thought I was jolly fun to trip and scare. On day he rode off, I couldn't find him. I was scared and it was getting dark…so I started to cry. I was afraid I'd be out their forever."

Alucard looked at her intently, sometimes he forgot that she hadn't always been the Iron Virgin. It was rare for her to share something like this.

"He did find me, eventually. He got lost when he ran off, he was so afraid that I was going to be scarred and alone somewhere, and I was. He held me to him and said it was okay. He told me he was sorry, that since he was two years older it was his duty to protect me…I told him I was alright. He sort of blushed and wiped away one of my tears…then I asked him to…..you know….and he did…." By now she had trailed off, but Alucard was still listening. "It was odd, he was too smooth…too hot and clean."

She said the last bit under her breath, then looked up and smiled at him.

"See? I'm practically a wanton slut."

Alucard shifted in his seat, as to look at her better.

"That's it," he asked. "That's all you've ever done, isn't it?"

She shrugged.

"Why is it your concern?" she asked.

There was a long pause.

"I thought we were having a heartfelt conversation," he said dryly. "Excuse me; it's been so long since I've been human sometimes I mistake these things."

Integra looked him in the eye.

"I suppose we are," she said. "Although, I must remind you Alucard, I have less experience at being human then you."

Alucard flicked his hand and his darkness became a comfortable looking chair.

"Let us be friends for the evening," he ventured. "I'm feeling suspiciously sentimental, Master."

"I wish to change before I retire for the evening-"

And with another swish she was in a night dress.

"….where is my suit?"

Alucard shrugged.

"They almost always turn up later," he told her confidently.

"Damn you Alucard, my cigars were in my pocket."

AN – too tired to write any more. I had this chapter finished once, but I didn't like it, so I overhauled it. It's much better now.


	14. Kicking Puppies

All and all, it was turning out to be a very pleasant evening. It felt good to be…to just be. It wasn't their typical night. No, usually they found themselves with raised voices, exchanging angry words. Not tonight. She found that it felt…good.

"I hardly see Dumas expressing that sentiment through Chateau d' If," said Integra, in a duel of another sort. "I would think that the representation on a completely different nature-"

"Ah," said Alucard, interrupting what might have broken the mood that had been so carefully set. "Perhaps this is an argument for another day. The hour is late, Master."

Integra bit her tongue; it was difficult to hold back her opinion on a whim.

"Indeed," she confirmed. "I do believe this is one of the longer days I've had in a while."

They sat in silence for a moment, contemplating what lay behind them. It was a very bittersweet silence. Too quiet, too unknowing.

Integra began to pat at her chest, looking for a cigar that wasn't there. Stupid Alucard, took her security blanket.

She sighed.

He scowled, noticing her gesture.

"Those things are going to kill you one day," he told her firmly.

"Oh," she replied. "I'm glad you've finally given up."

Alucard, if possible scowled even deeper.

"I have never expressed any desire to kill you Master," he told her, an exhausted look in his eyes. "I have always opted to save you from death, not bestow it."

Integra looked at him. Many times they had this conversation. Every time it was brought up in a roundabout sort of way, every time he would temporarily put his heart on his sleeve, and every time she would shoot him down (sometimes literally) and humiliate him.

Her methods didn't seem to be working.

She decided to try his.

"Alucard," she began slowly. "I am not-"

She stopped. "And what if I said yes?" she asked in an angry tone.

He said nothing, but he cocked his head and she knew he was wondering where their pleasant evening had ended.

"What would you do Alucard?" she asked, hurt evident in her voice. "How long would it be before you tired of me?"

He opened his mouth to protest in anger. She didn't give him the chance.

"One hundred years? Two hundred?" Her eyes were merciless, defending the one thing she had left. "I refuse to be some rag doll for you to play with and cast aside."

He was oddly quiet, waiting for her to finish, and even as she was talking. She knew that he was angry, and it was out of that anger he kept his silence. It felt peculiar to be sitting up straight in a nightgown of the likeness she hadn't worn since she was quite young and try to make her case against a dark creature…she felt devalued and it made her try even harder.

"You see," she said in a whisper. "If I say no….if I die Alucard, that's true immortality. Instead of casting me aside, instead of me being a trophy in your history…I will be remembered to you as something dear, someone that you-"

She cut off there abruptly there. She had been on the verge of saying "love" and she didn't now where she had got the notion. Silly girl.

Alucard said nothing. He simply bowed his head.

"Integra," he started. "My Master."

"-Don't you 'My Master' me-" she interrupted, he ignored her.

"You will never be…a mar to my memory. Clearly, you can see what you mean to…me…" he seemed to be choking out the words in an effort to be rid of them. "Perhaps… I feel…," he stopped again, gathering his thoughts.

He raised the head that had once been bowed and looked at her, eye to eye.

"Perhaps my emotion is one that is of an eternal sort," he said, saying everything and nothing at once.

He might have been about to say more, and she was probably in the process of snapping at him, but they were-

_knock knock knock_

"Sir Integra?" called an elderly voice from outside the door. "May I have a word?"

Integra looked at Alucard in surprise. Her eyebrows were raised in a fashion that said 'how did he know to find me here?' and 'what the bloody hell does he think he is, interrupting us?'

Alucard looked back with a very different expression, one that read 'He is Walter, all knowing and we can't hurt him because we like him too much.'

"Sir Integra?" he called again after a moment. "Is this a bad time?" (Secretly he was wondering if they were finally having amazing pig sex out of frustration after all these years, but he would never ask. He left those behaviors in his younger years.)

"Please enter Walter," she replied, smoothing out the wrinkles of her night gown on her lap.

Alucard waved his hand and the door to his chambers opened by themselves, promptly followed by the entrance of the butler.

"How did you know where I was?" asked Integra genuinely curious.

"Simple," he replied, looking at her as he used to when she was young and she'd done something mischievous he thought was too funny to punish her for. "I'd looked everywhere else."

Alucard smiled.

"Good," she said, relief evident in her voice. "I'd hate for you to automatically assume I was shacking up with the family's vampire like some sort of common harlot."

Alucard growled.

"I do not entertain harlots," he defended. "I keep very select company."

Instantly Integra was bombarded with images of Alucard licking chocolate sauce off the queen. Oh, she'd have to punish herself later for such blasphemy against the crown.

Walter and Alucard shared confused glances as she laughed to herself.

"Yes, well," Walter said, tugging slightly at his collar as he stood in the room, at what he thought was a reasonable distance from the insanity. "I just thought I'd come down and inquire about the presence of the naked man I discovered in your bathroom, Sir. I was unsure of what to do with him…or if you were quite finished yet."

Integra almost balked. Then she almost laughed. Leave it to Walter to help her; she should have gone to him in the first place. So what if it lead to an awkward conversation? There was no one in the world quite as clever when it came to ruffling Alucard's feathers, except perhaps Integra herself.

"It seems that he was quite dirty," he continued. "I suppose that I could clean up all the things you used, clean up all the juices and such, if you're finding yourself too busy."

Integra knew he was speaking of bath soaps and blood, but Alucard, oh poor Alucard. His eyes were as wide as saucers.

"Eh?" he asked.

"That would be lovely," she told Walter. "I was going to have Police Girl come help me with various things earlier, but I think you'll do a satisfactory job."

It was amazing what she could say without actually wording it.

"Indeed," he replied turning on his heel to leave before he got caught in the crossfire.

It was an eerie quiet that followed after the sound of the door shutting and relocking itself after Walter's exit. It took all her steel to keep a straight face.

Alucard said nothing. He stood up and looked slightly angry, but said nothing.

He looked at her, something angry and…surprised in his eyes.

Then, in the blink of an eye, she swept across the room. And she was almost frightened, almost.

"Alucard!" she said as he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her body towards him. He began sniffing her neck and rubbing his face against hers in a catlike manner.

"Do you like toying with me, Master?" he asked, as she tried to break free. "You still smell like a virgin. You still squirm like a virgin."

He opened his mouth and gently licked her bottom lip, just for revenge. He ignored her interjection of disgust.

"You still blush like a virgin," he whispered to her. "Therefore, my darling, I'm willing to bet that you're still a blessed virgin."

"I don't know about the blessed part," she mumbled uncharacteristically.

"You almost had me for a moment," he told her, pulling her to him. "My mind jumped to a conclusion that…despite my ears and my eyes and my nose, I still believed.'

Immediately she knew she had crossed a line and regretted it.

"It's a rare privilege to hold that power over me," he confided. "I do not trust lightly and I do not allow for second chances…not usually. Why tamper with this delicate situation? I have honored this one line, I expected you to do the same."

She wanted to apologize, but something stopped her.

He laughed bitterly.

"And yet," he chuckled. "And yet, you claim I am the one to play with toys and break hearts."

He stopped laughing. He was still clutching her to him, but now she was clutching back.

"Be gone," he said in a dead pan voice. He pushed her away from him harshly and watched her stumble to regain her footing. Alucard glared in a hurt sort of way. Integra felt as if she had kicked a puppy.

"Go back to your chambers, little girl," he called to her as he walked away. "Come back when you've grown up."

She fled. She fled away to the empty hollow of her room to think about what she'd done.

She was going to have to find a way to gain forgiveness from her maker.

But, as she raced up the stairs, she realized Walter would still be cleaning the mess she made, so she made an unexpected turn and found herself somewhere she hadn't expected.

Her rooms, the ones she had hidden from Seras in, the ones she had grown up in, the ones that had remained unchanged since she moved into her fathers rooms were pink blanket around her, feeling younger that she had ever felt before. She fell asleep to the sound of memories.

A/N- So, mystery man is back next chapter, along with some good ol' fashion drama. But the thing is I don't know what to name our dear little runaway soldier, so I need suggestions. I'd love to hear from you, so drop me a line. I promise to use one of the suggestions I get.


	15. In and Old with New and Young

Infernal woman. Self-centered, stubborn, terrible woman. Playing games with him. Making him a fool. Silly little girl, trying to make him jealous, as if he wasn't quite enough already.

He hadn't slept, not that he needed too, but the point was that she vexed him enough to disrupt his routine.

Why did she do it? Why the hell did she do anything? What was _wrong_ with her?

He sat down.

If he were any sort of man he would go to her and apologize. He would say he acted rashly, that he was sorry. He would fucking _beg_.

But he wasn't any sort of man, not in any respect…none that he was willing to admit.

He hoped she suffered for this. It wasn't a matter of jealousy for him…it was a matter of existence.

This…mystery man was proving to be much more than he wanted out of a faithful servant for his master.

Never before had he felt so threatened by a mortal...not or a very long time.

The man was amazing. Alucard had tested himself, the man child didn't stand a real chance, not in a one on one ball splitting blood bath, but he was smart, and he was better than any before had been since Walter was in his prime, and there had never been anyone better than Walter since or before.

That man, had the ability to see past what no one had yet done…not since his second rebirth.

…Alucard thought he might be scared, but it had been so long since he had the emotion he didn't know. He felt…tingly.

It was his duty to protect Hellsing, and so he had done. He owed a debt, and he paid it.

This mystery man, he held potential. He could be Alucard's undoing at this place, despite all his hard efforts to conceal the last secret of the great Count; he might be welcoming its demise.

He sighed.

Maybe he was overestimating is opponent.

He snorted, then reclined in the chair he'd been sitting in since Integra stormed out, not a few hours earlier.

They told him, when he had been a man, a god…the first time, that confession led to the forgiveness of sins. They never told anyone what to do, if they didn't really want to be forgiven. Bastards, always offering salvation, never allowing anyone to wallow properly like any creature ought to be allowed.

He smiled to himself.

Maybe Integra would forgive him...fat chance.

Maybe he should just keep a round of silver shells on him so he could beat her to it, if the time came.

Alucard shifted his weight a little. He was having a pleasant sulk. Good for the-

A thought interrupted his train of thought.

Integra was never going to join him, even if he was forgiven.

She would never be his. Somehow this thought had never really sunk in before.

Suddenly Alucard felt like a draft had just grazed his spine. He knew there was only one solution.

Integra sat in a ratty old chair that was covered in dust. Walter had the idea to put their latest house guest into one of the old guest bedrooms. They hadn't been used in over a decade, and Integra privately thought it was probably a room that her father might have once used to entertain his whores and booze with Islands.

She sighed. In the bed in front of her was this anomaly. The man who had both condemned and saved her. He had been there all night, once Integra woke in her old room she promptly removed herself, intent on forgetting the night before and it's disturbing memories.

She looked at him. Where he had first appeared no older than sixteen or seventeen, she now thought he might be a bit older. He didn't look as young as he slept, she could see the worry line and dark circles under his eyes. Regardless he was a handsome youth.

She sat there a long while, just watching him sleep and idly wondered if Alucard was in the habit of stalking her in the same manner. Just when she thought she might leave him for the time being, he began to stir.

"Good morning," she said kindly. "I've been waiting for you to wake up."

An eye cracked opened up to reveal a vivid green eye.

"Morning' Boss," he replied, sleep still in his voice. "I'm usually more or a morning person, but it's seems I'm a bit slow toady. It happens sometimes when you get the shit beat out of you like that."

Integra smiled. "Yes, Alucard was a bit rough, but you passed with flying colors."

He snorted. "Sure I did, I'm a bloody prodigy."

Integra raised an eyebrow at him.

"What?" he asked. "I lasted nearly four minutes against one of hell's abominations; I think I deserve the title."

"Alucard said you lasted only three," she promptly replied.

"Well time flies when you're having fun, Boss."

There was an awkward silence after that, finally broken by the young man.

"So," he asked slowly. "Do you usually provide a wake-up service for the newbie?"

"Are you so certain you're still currently employed?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, I assume, seeing as how I'm still alive and whatnot."

Integra let a wicked grin pass her face. "That is an excellent observation."

He grinned at her sheepishly and she felt a motherly tug at somewhere she'd never been before.

"Do you have a name?" she asked, suddenly aware that she really didn't know him at all.

He looked at the coverlet. "Err, I have a number."

"A number?"

She asked the question more with her eyes than anything.

"Uh, yeah." He replied, almost as if embarrassed. "Where I came from they didn't bother giving us names, it wasn't like we were…you know…people, to them."

Integra could sympathize.

"I was 101159…there," he told her, shrugging it off. "On the streets they just referred to me as Click."

Integra snorted. "I hope that wasn't a personal preference."

"Not really, I was never fond of it."

"What do you want to be called?"

The boy just looked past her. She could tell he was really thinking about it, this was the start of a new life for him. She could understand how this first step could be so important.

After awhile he seemed to just give up.

"I dunno," he said, looking a bit perplexed and frustrated. "Would you pick one out for me, Boss?"

Integra was taken aback. She hadn't expected such a request. Surely he wouldn't want her to do something personal.

"Are you sure?"

He shrugged. "Better you than me."

She looked him over, mulling something over in her mind. The words to pass her lips next were ones that surprised her as well as him.

"I always thought if I ever had a son, I would name him, Christian."

He smiled. "I like that," he said slowly, "but don't you want to save it for your kid?"

She laughed, leaning back in her chair. "Even if we do restore my womb, I doubt I will ever have children. I must insist you take the name."

He chirped a bit. "Thanks," he said honestly. "No one's ever been this nice to me."

She snorted at that remark. "You say that now, wait until you start training. Then you'll know what a blood thirsty wench I really am."

Integra didn't think it was wise, how open she was being with this…Christian. But she really didn't want to stop.

He sat up a little straighter. "I look forward to the task, Sir. Hellsing."

And with that his stomach let out a might growl.

"Ah," said Integra. "I can see you will duly appreciate the breakfast Walter brought to us, although I'm afraid its gone cold."

She went over to a table and picked up a tray with some toast and eggs laid out. She brought it to him, and set it on his lap.

"Breakfast in bed," he said. "I could get used to this."

"Don't," she advised wisely.

She watched him stuff food down his gullet like Police Girl in blood lust.

"How long has it been since you ate something?" she asked in mild disgust as he downed a whole piece of toast in one large bite.

"Ong nuf to be hungy, not ong nuf to git sick," he said through a mouth full of food.

She blanched slightly. Growing boys

"Well," she said. "I expect you to rest the rest of the day, a run in with Alucard always takes its toll, no matter who you are."

He grunted in acknowledgement.

"Tomorrow you will begin your lessons with Walter," she continued. "He will be your teacher and show you your place here. You will report to me each night where we will discuss the day's lesson and I will go over other skills I wish you to have. "

She stood to leave, ready to be done watching him during what she could only describe as a heathen feeding. She would have to talk to Walter about that.

"Christian?" she asked before she exited.

"Yes?" he asked after a large swallow.

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen, twenty this September. Why?"

"Just curious," she replied without turning around. "You may return to your gluttony."

She continued walking and she was half way down the hall when she heard-

"Sir Hellsing!"

She stopped mid step and turned back to peek in to door. Christian was sitting on the bed, his face blank.

"Thank you," he said solemnly.

She smiled. It had been a long time since she had heard those words, it felt good.

"You're very welcome," she said matter-of-fact, trying to hold back her pleasure. Some things just wouldn't do. "Please rest for tomorrow, following Walter about is much more difficult than it looks.

He grinned impishly. "I know," he told her. "I watched you people for _weeks_."

XxXxXx

"You want me to what?" Walter asked indignantly. He was standing in front of her desk, a look of displeasure on his face.

"I thought my directions were simple." She was sitting there with a cramp in her back and a pile of a week's unfinished paperwork in front of her.

"I understand," he said shortly. "I just don't think it is necessary."

"Are you questioning me?" she asked in a tone that suggested pain based on the answer.

"Yes, Sir. Hellsing," he said stiffly. "I do believe I am."

She could feel the anger bubble in her stomach as if she had eaten a ball of fire.

"On what pretense, servant?" she asked far more calmly than she felt.

"I'm no babysitter."

"You're whatever I damn well tell you to be!"

He lowered his eyes in stubbornness.

"This is not a daycare center Walter; I want you to train him. Not change his nappies," she tried to sound rational, one of them needed to.

"I'm perfectly aware of what you are up to," he said sharply. "You're having me train my replacement."

Integra was startled. It was a true enough statement…she had thought Walter would be pleased to have a retirement of sorts. She willed herself to be patient.

"I'm being lucrative," she said in what she thought was a softer tone; really she just sounded like a crazy military leader. "You are getting on in years, it is a wise decision."

He looked at her a long time. "Why don't you just take me out back and shoot me?"

Integra wanted to crack a smile, but she had a funny feeling it was not intended as humorous.

"Because you are a vital asset to me and this organization," Integra stroked. "I'm simply assuring your skills are passed on."

This seemed to appease him a bit, but he said nothing for a long moment.

"I may just be an old codger," he said thickly. "However, my mind doesn't know my body is so old. It doesn't like the idea of being set aside because of physical attributes."

Integra looked at him hard. "Walter, as long as we both live, I guarantee you a spot by my side."

Walter looked away from her.

"Is it so easy to replace me Integra?"

He hadn't used her first name in so long she had forgotten the way it sounded.

"Never Walter," she replied assuringly. "You are a true son of Hellsing and I consider you one of our greatest allies…and my best companion and guardian."

Walter grinned. "I suppose I can teach that ruffian a thing or two."

"Oh," Integra murmured more to herself than him. "I bet you could make him memorize the whole damn operation, even if you had to beat it into him."

While the Master and the butler shared a moment, a creature in the shadows slinked out of the room stealthily.

A/N Fun times. Hiatus is over. What do you think of the name Christian? I'm working on getting a Yahoo group set up for people to join. Next chapter, Alucard reads Integra's journal. Please review. Also, my bio has changed. You like?


	16. Radu and Vladimir

A/N- Warning. This chapter contains homosexual pedophilia rape scene. Readers are warned. In case this gets weird, Alucard is talking to himself, his conscience. It's not a plot bunny or anything…Oh, and I basically made up the history bits, taking little pieces of info from my memory.

Her greatest companion…

"_You are a true son of Hellsing and I consider you one of our greatest allies…and my best companion and guardian."_

The words were still ring in my head. How pathetic, I'm behaving like a simple simpering mortal.

Has she forgotten everything I've done for her the past…oh, century? Has she forgotten how I _created _her? How I was presented with a little girl and I taught her to be a fucking knight in shining armor?

It's bad enough she's spend time with her new _fledging_. That nincompoop. I want her attention. Me. Why does no one ever acknowledge what I want?

Life is such a bitch.

I showed her how to know to knot her _godamn_ tie.

"If anyone should be rated her best companion it should be me," I muttered under my breath. It might have been childish, but-

"_-but what?"_ asked a tiny voice in my head._ "What makes you entitled to anything?"_

The voice. I think it had been myconscience once, but now it was another annoying cry in my mind. Odd that it should tune in now. The last time had been when I turned Police Girl.

…The voice never really did anything good for me. It never ever agreed with me and it always won. This usually meant pain, suffering or humiliation for me.

I sighed. There are just some things you can't wrestle into submission. Best get the thing over with.

"Oh?" I asked myself out loud. "Decide to pop in did you?"

"_You're just eaten up with jealously, aren't you?"_ mocked the voice. _"I'll bet it just tickles your black ashen soul that she ranked you after an old bull."_

"Shut –Up," I said half-heartedly. I knew it wouldn't, it never did.

"_Vladimir,"_ said the voice mimicking that of another from a different lifetime. _"Did you want her to love you? No one will, no one ever has. Remember your brother? Remember Radu? Do you remember my bloody dragon?"_

"The Sultan," I murmured to myself. "If you weren't a part of me, I would have given you an excruciating death for that."

I put my head in my hands. Why the memories? Why now?

I had an idea that it had something to do with Police Girl. She could read minds now…she was becoming a vampire. It shouldn't be working, she didn't drink her blood. She is evolving into something I've never seen before. I should have foreseen this. She was _my_ daughter.

"_Ah,"_ said the voice. _"It's a mystery, isn't it, my King?"_

I closed my eyes tightly.

"I'm no king," I said a bit harshly. "Not anymore."

"_Oh, I wouldn't say that,"_ the voice said slowly. _"A king of nosferatu is no less his position for being bound to-"_

"I have no desire to be a king!" I said angrily. That time was long past. "My bindings are no longer the choice off my captors."

I swear the damned thing laughed.

"_You have no choice. You are the first. You are the father. You are the n-"_

"Silence!" I shouted. It must have looked funny. Me alone in my stark chambers yelling at myself.

"_The butler gave her things you never could,"_ said the voice rushing to get the words out. _"He was a parent, a friend, a confident-"_

"I will not tolerate disobedience," I said with cold menace in my voice.

"_You protect her from vampires and ghouls…things you created-"_

"I am not playing games with you!"

"_And the butler, he did something you never did. He protected her from herself-that's why he comes first in her heart, that's why you're just a pet and he i-"_

I was not to tolerate such impudence, not even from myself.

…So I took my own gun to my head and put a blessed silver bullet to in my skull. I was never one for subtlety.

Looking back, it really just wasn't my best idea. It shut the voice up.

Or so I thought.

As I lay there in a pool of my own blood, enjoying the numb pain that comes with blowing one's own brains out, I felt a tug at the edge of my mind. I poked around with my conscious like a child poking road kill with a stick…and then it happened.

I can only describe it as thinking you're going for a cool pleasant swim on a hot sunny day, paddling around, peeing in the water and swimming away… then a big fucking shark comes along, bites your leg, drags you under and then you drown.

At least, that's what it felt like. I was prodding around my own mind when the damn thing drug me under…to somewhere I had tried to forget.

XxXxXxX

"Vladimir?" said a voice. "Do you think father will come for us?"

"Shhh, Radu," I whispered. "Or the guard will hear us."

It was dark and dank. The smell of our own urine and vomit surrounded us. We were dirty and broken out in sores from sitting in our own filth. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't for the sake of my younger brother.

Radu crawled over to where I sat hunched over with my hands locking protectively around my knees and curled against my side.

"Brother, do you think that father will come for us?" he asked this time quieter and more apprehensive.

I didn't answer, I didn't know. We were younger sons, Mircea was the oldest brother. He was the next in line for the thrown. We were second sons, and therefore disposable. I couldn't see father spilling blood over just us; it hardly seemed worth the resources and lives, especially in the harsh winters.

"Of course they will," I told him as if her were stupid. "Don't you know anything? If father doesn't then Mircea will."

This was the way I had learned to protect my brother. One day I would learn to regret it, for he would be my greatest rival.

He nodded against my side; I could feel him wiping his nose on my shirt. I put an arm around him.

"Hey!" yelled a voice. "I told you no more talking you Turkish scum!"

It was the guard. He had heard us.

"Damnation," I exclaimed in a whisper. "Radu, go to the back wall and stay quiet no matter what!" I urged. He went.

I heard the guard put the key in the lock and as he turned it, it clicked…a sound that made me wince. Guards only came in to do two things, and we'd already been given our gruel.

"I warned you boy," he growled. In his hand was a whip with several tails and rocks knotted in. This kingdom was known for their torture devices. "If you're going to make noise, we're going to give you a reason to make it."

I just set my jaw higher. As long as Radu he stayed in the shadows…as long as stayed quiet, he should be safe.

"Come here boy," said the man. "Take off your tunic."

I did. I knew what was coming. He didn't even have to tell me to get on my knees in front of him, I just did. This was the third time this had happened. The first I hadn't been able to protect Radu. It was not going to happen again.

The first lash always stings the most if you've been lashed before. You know it's going to hurt, you remember what it feels like…but it always surprises you by being more painful than the last time.

The second makes you jump. The third makes you jolt. The fourth makes you yelp like a dog. The tenth makes you cry out and sets tears in your eyes…and apparently the twenty-first knocks you out from pain.

…or it did me.

Blackness took me over.

x x x x

"Wake up boy," said a kinder voice. "You must drink this tonic. Wake, I say."

I felt my eyes crack open. At first everything was a blur, but then it all came into focus.

It was a room. It was warm and dry and I felt cleaner.

I immediately shot up.

"Radu!" I cried out, ignoring my protesting rib cage. "Where is my brother?"

The physician looked at me curiously. "Why, still in the-"

"Take me back," I demanded. "I need to see my brother."

The physician laughed. "You're a right little prince alright. But you can't be making demands here. Your father is no sacred King in this kingdom."

I clenched my jaw. He handed me the tonic, I drank. It kept me from speaking.

"Besides," he continued, "the Sultan has requested your presence. He wished to see Vlad the II's son, Vlad the III."

"I am Vlad the IV," I told him. "My half brother is Vlad the III."

The physician sneered.

"How to tell you all apart? You look the same!" He laughed, then stopped, and looked at me hard. "I know," he whispered to me. "We'll call you _Dracul,_ for you are like the dragon. You were brought to me yesterday dressed in red and breathing fire."

He laughed some more then told me the red I wore was blood, the fire a fever from an infection spreading to my lash wounds. I did not care. This man was beneath me, it would be stooping to be baited by him.

"Oh?" he asked. "Not amused? Perhaps you should have kept talking little _Dracul, _for now I am going to take you to the Sultan and he will do more than just poke fun at you."

And so he did. He led me from the room to a cooler hallway and I followed him for a long time. I was apprehensive of this visit…I did not know what the Sultan wanted, but I was sure it was not something I was going to be willing to give.

He finally stood in front of a door and knocked on it. A eunuch let us in and I was left by both to wait by myself, but not before the physician gave me a rude wink.

It seemed like I waited for hours, but looking back it was really only minutes.

"The physician's report refers to you as Dracul," a voice finally said from the darkness. "Dragon…why? You look nothing more than a pretty boy to me."

It was the Sultan. Had been told he was snake-like, but this was my first experience with him.

He had a wicked grin on his features. He was old, I guessed late thirties. He was a bit fat and he wore the clothes of women, in bright colors of pinks and greens. His head set was the whitest thing I'd ever seen.

"Come to me," he said. He didn't look too intimidating to me, so I walked over.

He grinned at me. Then, out of nowhere his hand shot out and grabbed my chin. He pulled his face close to mine.

"This is the son of Vlad the II?" he asked to more himself than me. His breath stank like bad meat. "You're nothing…I could break you with my fists alone…just like I'm going to break your father…"

It quickly became apparent to me that he was mad.

"Do you miss him?" he asked me, clearly trying to provoke.

I said nothing

"Do you miss your home? Your bed? Your brother Radu?" His eyes had a glint of something evil.

At the last comment my eyes shot up to meet his.

"Yes," he said. "That was in the physician's report as well. He was the first name from your lips upon gaining consciousness, and you cried for him in your fever."

I said nothing, but anger was boiling.

"Do you love him?" he said in a low voice. The way he drew out the world love annoyed me. "Do you think he's safe?"

I let my eyes dodge to his again. He was looking at me curiously.

"What if I killed him?" He asked so nonchalantly it threw me off.

"No!" I finally spoke; it was a foolish thing to do. "Please no!"

The Sultan smiled. "But what have you to give me in return?"

I had nothing. I knew it.

"I have nothing," I said. "But I if you touch him I will kill you."

He laughed. Openly.

"No," he said. "You do have something."

His hand reached out and placed itself on my cheek. His fingers caressed my cheek.

Oh. He was one of those.

"You're too young to know the touch of a woman."

He was right. He said nothing for a moment, but his breath was more labored now.

"Boy," he said with a low growl in his voice. "I _am_ going to break you."

I didn't even get a chance to run. He grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to drag me somewhere. I vaguely noticed us passing figures.

He took me to a new room and threw me onto a bed. I was limp; I couldn't remember the last time I had made a voluntary movement.

He pulled my leg and I was on the edge of the bed. I could feel the lash marks on my back reopening.

He was panting now. I couldn't see him. I didn't want to. I closed my eyes.

"Open!" he growled. "Open!"

I opened my eyes. He was standing above me, flushed and heaving.

"I want you to watch me boy," he said with gravel. "Be a man, look me in the eye!"

For some reason he found this remark hilarious and yowled with joy. He ripped and pulled at my clothes. I didn't try to stop him, I had no chance.

Then, while I was looking out the window to the snow covered mountains of my homeland, he took me off guard.

It wasn't as bad as the lashing, but when he first jammed himself into me I thought I was going to be ripped in two. The worst part was reopening my wounds, pain was everywhere and a part of me just wanted to die.

"Yes," he said breathlessly, "yes, my little Dracul, don't fight me."

He scratched at my body with his nails which were long, dirty and yellow.

I didn't cry.

He kept pushing and pushing. It hurt, but I stayed still. It would give him more pleasure to hear me scream.

I could feel the blood where he had split me, and part of me was grateful. It made the thrusting easier to bear.

It was a few minutes before he got his satisfaction. He started pumping sporadically and then cried out. It took him a minute to gather himself. His reaction surprised me.

"You filthy little…," he said after a long time, and then he spat on my body. "How dare you seduce me! The Sultan!"

He then began to shake me. "The Sultan! The Sultan! The Sultan!" he said it over and over again.

I did nothing. I already knew he was mad.

"How dare you!" he said. "I am…I am…"

He sat down and looked at his hands, and then he looked back at me. He sneered.

"Here," he said throwing me my ripped tunic. "Get out of my sight, heathen."

I took my leave, but on the way out I looked back. The Sultan was in the same position I was in while I comforted my brother. He looked shaken and scared. His hands covered his face and his body shook.

He looked up at me and for a moment I thought he might be human. "Kings and men…" he muttered to…me or him, I could not tell. "What am I? King or man?"

I fled.

XXXXXX

_**A/N**_**- Whe**_**n I **_**said that Alucard would be reading Integra's journal this chapter, I lied. That's next chapter. This took way longer than expected. Please review.**


	17. Threads and Strings

A/N I've been on hiatus. Now I'm not. I know in the past I've lead readers to believe that the more reviews they submit the greater the chances are that I will update. This is a lie. This fic has become a burden and an eyesore, left over from a time in my life when I was less of a writer and also going through a rough patch in my life. I will finish it at my convenience, only for the sake of its completion. I've moved on from leaving things half cocked, I'm ready to grow up, and to do that I have to close this last part of my life. Reviews, flames, criticism are pleasantries at this point, not necessities.

Honestly, I can barely remember my own plot. I will mudge through the rest, but at this point is touch and go. At this point, if you've stayed with me this long, God bless you. The rest of this fic is dedicated to you. Now, go read Fire and Ice, it's damn good and completely overlooked.

As I made my way back down to the dungeon where I had so illicitly spent my time the past month or so, I couldn't help but fathom the anomaly that was the demon who so skillfully kicked my ass. I could hear him, through the thick doors of his chambers, talking to himself, having some sort of personal fit with himself.

It wasn't until I heard a gunshot that I got a little nervous.

After so long of spying on a person, you begin to notice their habits. One thing I'd noticed about Alucard, something that really surprised me, was how normal he was. When you got down to it, he was just a great actor. His best performances were when he was around people, especially Integra. He could really seem like a first class asshole, but when you got him alone, he was like any other bloke. He liked to read and keep to himself. He'd drink a cup of blood from a wineglass and sit and think. Not so off from a typical old guy really.

In short, he wasn't the type to go willy nilly shooting without good reason. Especially his own person.

So, that's why I was nervous. I mean, previous to now, he's acted pretty okay. This set off a mental alarm because it was so strange.

So, of course, I barged into his chambers, like the sentimental fool I am, just to find this old vamp's brains scattered around the place. The evil coot had taken a bullet to his head. I mean, shit, talk about internal struggle.

So, I did the first logical thing I could think of. I picked up his huge gnarly gun (which, by the way, weighs a fucking ton) and poked his ooy gooy bits with them.

Of course, he didn't respond. I wasn't really expecting him to. But, I mean, what's logical when trying to revive a self destructive vampire? You tell me. Geesh.

He wasn't looking too good, his lying there all…unmoving. It freaked me out. It was the dead body of a dead person….who wasn't really dead.

Maybe you had to be there.

Anyway, at this point I was getting a bit nervous. Let's face it; my track record isn't so hot. I'd already made the leader of the free world infertile, killing her ace card is not a smart second move, besides, the crazy broad was kind of nice to me.

Standing there, in that room, was a sort of uncomfortable I cannot describe to you. Is it rude to just stand there and stare? Somehow I'd doubt Alucard would appreciate it. Whatever drove him to it was probably pretty intense…But, are you really expected to try and revive the world's greatest threat to humanity?

I must be twelve kinds of stupid, because I thought so. I went upstairs, got a few packets of blood and drug them back down stairs. And, because his head was blown to smithereens, I didn't have any way to feed the poor guy, so I just sort of scattered the blood around, hoping that it would somehow…I dunno, fuel his way to live.

Well, it didn't really work.

At this point I was seriously considering getting Integra, but in the end I decided not to. The way I see it, he'd either wake up, or he wouldn't. If he did, maybe I can help. If he didn't…well, then he'll still be dead tomorrow and I could just leave and let some other unlucky soul find him.

Sometimes I'm amazed at what a heartless bastard I am.

Anyway, I also thought about putting him in his coffin, but the guy is surprisingly heavy. He's had one too many blood packets if you ask me. So, I just left him there and sat in his chair to watch for some sort of…movement, I guess. Couldn't tell you. Honestly, I would have felt bad leaving him alone, and I didn't have anything better to do anyway. Not since Walter had sent me away in disgust for asking if he was gay.

A bloke lives alone for his whole life surrounded by men, he doesn't get married and he's got a couple of sexy ladies lie Sir Hellsing and Seras around and he doesn't make a move? You gotta wonder about a guy like that.

Well, I waited and waited, and after a while I started to notice that it was starting to get dark. Big Red still hadn't bothered to show signs of joining the world of the living (ha ha), so I started to leave.

Then, the freakiest thing happened.

Call me a tard or whatever, but I hadn't seen this trick yet. I guess it was the coming of the night. It probably gave him the power to rejuvenate or something.

God, that sounds stupid.

Anyway, it must have given him …ahem, special self healing capabilities, cause the next thing I know these black tendril things are wiggling around octopus style and dragging all his bits and pieces back to where they're supposed to be.

Shit, it was pretty scary. You don't see that kind of thing in the best sort of special effect, you know?

So, the guys on the brink of waking up, and it occurs to me…

8:8:8:8:8:8:8:

My head was still pounding when I came to. I could tell by the feel of the air that it is night.

Blessed night.

I inhale, just for the sake of bringing the darkness into me, and I enjoy it. I always get strangely sentimental towards this mortal world after I do something stupid. I think it's the lingering effects of my humanity, the fear of nonexistence.

How disgusting.

It doesn't take long for me to realize I'm not alone. He's with me. The mystery man.

"Have a nice show?" I asked, a bit cranky that he disturbed me in my place of rest.

"About pissed myself," he says cheerfully. I believe him. "Did you have sweet dreams?" The questions he asks, in his own mind, is innocent enough, to me it is an unwelcome reminder.

"Vampires don't dream," I snap. I strangle back memories of the things I don't want to remember.

He gives me a strange look. I want to read his mind, but I don't. I don't know why.

"How long have I been out?" I ask.

"Well, since about this time, yesterday night you've been down here I think…but you've only been knocked out about six hours, I'd say."

I feel my stomach turn. Treacherous body.

"What's wrong?" he asks pleasantly. I am reminded of Walter when he was young. It seems all youths of that sort have similar personalities. No fear.

I growl. He laughs.

"I bet you're hungry!" he says, throwing me a packet if blood. If I didn't know better I would think that he'd brought them down out of concern for my well being. He probably just doesn't want me to eat him instead.

I catch the packet neatly after a perfect soaring arc through the air.

Yuck…O positive.

I sip my packet juice box style, waiting for him to fidget or look frightened, but he does neither.

I wait. They never last.

"Sooo," he says after awhile, looking more bored than anything. "Guess what I got today?"

I suddenly realize he's sitting in my chair. I find it irksome.

"Did you get a gun?" I asked, not really caring.

"No."

"Did you get to kill anything?"

"No."

"Well, if you didn't get a gun or get to kill anything I can't imagine what you could have got that might be interesting."

He looked at me strangely, like I was some sort of empty vessel. I didn't like it.

"Sir Hellsing gave me a name," he said, as if testing the water to see how cold it was.

"Oh?" I asked, suddenly more interested. "Is it James?" I don't know where the question comes from.

He looks at me strangely. He makes me want to rip his eyes out. I actually contemplate doing it.

"Christian," he says simply as a response.

I feel like I should laugh openly, but instead I just feel like it's one more of her reminders to me that I am unworthy.

"It'll do," I say. Insulting his name would be like insulting her. I cannot do that.

There is a long pause. I want to go watch Master sleeping.

"Hey," he says after awhile. "What's really on your mind?"

It amuses me that he thinks to ask. No one ever does. It, however, amuses me even more that I respond.

"After over a decade of service to Integra Hellsing I am no more than a killer pet," I state blandly, as if testing out the words. "My services is only to kill, I have no purpose…it is not my objective to feel."

He looks at me curiously. I find it odd, that after all these years I now myself less well than I thought.

I know I shouldn't have told him this. I don't know what it wrong with me.

"Nah," he says. "I wouldn't say that."

"Wouldn't you?"

"Nope," he states. "You shouldn't blame her because she doesn't realize it."

Immediately I am suspicious.

"Realize what?"

He looks at me like I am quite stupid.

"What you chose for her."

I look at him oddly. He couldn't know, could he?

He smiles at me.

The little bastard knows!

"…How did you find out?" I ask, my deep sad baritone surprising me. I think I feel disappointment, I can't be sure.

"I read her journal," he responds. "It was originally a ploy to get closer to the target, but in the end it provided some interesting answers."

"What answers?" I ask, I need to know he knows. To hear him say the words.

He knows too.

"I know,"" he begins slowly, as if waiting for me to stop him, to tell him it's not alright, "that that day you took a bullet in the arm for Integra, allowing her to live as your Master, you broke the original bonds that Van Hellsing put on you. I know you broke the spells that bound you to her by allowing her life, by choosing to be a servant you gave up the servitude itself."

I looked at the floor. He was as smart as they said. "That's right, I have served Integra from the moment I saw her that day, as a free vampire."

I shot him a dirty look. "However, Master is unaware of this. You could not have found it in her journal."

He smiled.

"Please," he said lightly. "I do recon for a living. I went through some rusty old stuff in that nasty medieval science lab in the sub basement. It was enough to give me the answers I needed."

"And a kick in the head."

Christian snorted at me. "Yeah, great cover, too, by the way. 'You shouldn't listen to them when they're like this, they're all delusional.'"

I quirked my eyebrow at him. "That is a very loose translation of what I said."

He shrugged. He was a handsome devil. Virgin too, I could smell it.

"Well," he replied. "She bought it, so no harm."

God, I love the virgins.

"Is my secret safe with you?" I asked, honestly wondering. I already didn't trust the answer he had yet to give me.

"Probably," he said with a shrug.

I gave him a hard look.

"So," he said, ignoring it. "I think maybe you should go ahead and take a peek at that journal too, then."

"Why?" I asked. I didn't want to risk Integra's wrath for no good reason.

"It has some things you need to know, I think," he told me quite plainly.

"That seems dishonest," I replied, not remotely concerned.

"Oh," he said with a faraway look on his face. "It's all for the greater good, in the end."

"Oh," I replied, feeling like a young boy who just made a new friend on the playground. "Wanna come?"

He instantly brightened.

"Yeah," he said, getting up from my chair and heading towards the door. There was a bounce to his walk that was in stark contrast to my own.

I liked it. I liked him.

I hoped that I hadn't just pulled the string of my undoing.

A/N Gods this stupid thing makes me feel sick. Need sleep. This is unedited. I apologize for that.

Ace,

Sanis


	18. Friends

Christian, I thought to myself, that is a good name.

I looked closer at the cheerful back in front of me and couldn't help but wonder if he was worth it.

"I hope you're not wasting my time," I told him. "If this is some sort of goose chase, I'll be angry."

He turned around with a hint of mischief in his eyes.

"How angry?" he asked, teasing. I could tell many things by that question.

I snorted. "Angry enough," then, to put any misconceptions he had to rest. "You know, even without any sort of power restrictions I'd still be a formidable opponent."

He looked at me closely, "I believe that."

This whole time I had been following him mindlessly, not registering where it was we were even going. But now I looked around and found us going in the general directions of Integra's rooms.

I was behaving like some sort of idiot.

"Christian," I prodded rather sharply. The name sounded harsh from my mouth. "I think I need your help with something."

He looked back over his shoulder as we approached the door to her bedroom.

"What's that?"

"I want you to help me figure out what I've sired through Police Girl."

Now we were standing outside my Master's chambers, and it gave me an odd feeling to know that she was in there right then, and if I could stand outside her door in the night, who else could? Friend or foe I didn't like the possibility.

Christian snorted.

"Well, shit," he said, not even making an effort to be quiet. "Don't _you_ know? Haven't you done it before?"

I kept my face blank. "She is the only one I've ever changed and not killed."

He looked at me dubiously. "Yeah, right," he said.

"You don't believe me?" I asked, more wounded than I ought.

"Well, if you didn't vamp all the others, who did?"

"My wives."

"You mean the hella nasty wenches from _Dracula_?" he asked. Then, "Well, who the fuck turned them, Sherlock?"

"First," I said, wondering how pointless this argument was he, amazed that we were getting away with it and pleased that someone besides me had the balls to throw this kind of stunt. "The wenches happened to be all of the highest quality of beauty, all virgins whom I personally broke to my own tastes-"

"Wow, possessive much?" he interjected with an eye roll.

"Second, I turned them," I said easily. "But in the end I also killed them…so my statement remains truthful."

"Uh huh."

"Oh you fool," I told him. "Besides, they were glorified concubines. Seras is….my heir."

There was a long silence. My own words sounded stupid to me.

"What?" I asked, feeling like a rather interesting bug for him to play with.

"Well," he said after a long moment. "One thing does come to mind."

"What's that?"

"…Am I correct in assuming that Integra's account, that you gave Seras the choice to be a vampire, is accurate?"

"Yes."

He looked at me.

"So, you had a good virgin girl, who was both orphaned and religious agree to become the darkest scariest shit anybody ever thought up?" he asked me.

I nodded.

"Whenever a creature of light chooses to walk in darkness…well, that is powerful stuff," he said with a shrug. "Who knows why she agreed to it in the first place…but I'd think that a person, vampire or not, is capable of making decisions. When the decisions are good, then it doesn't matter so much if the vessel is evil."

I looked at him. Did he just suggest I was evil?

"Did you just suggest I am evil?"

He smiled, it looked sad. He was always so cheerful, but smiling made him look sad. It was ironic.

"No," he said. "Just that, because Seras wants to be good, she will be. And since she is your daughter she will be able to do things other vampires can't. Scary combination, huh? "

It did make sense. "But she doesn't drink her blood."

He looked at me with exasperation. "She drinks more than you realize."

I looked at him. He looked at me. I was taller. That made me feel good.

"Are we going to do this?" he asked after awhile.

"Yes," I said, realizing I almost forgot why we standing outside her door. "We are."

And without further ado, we broke onto her room.

A/N -It's shorter, but it's a second update in as days, so don't bitch about it. Remember, like, 18 chapters ago when I said he's read her journal?…that's probably going to happen next chapter….so. I dunno, I guess I'm just a big fat liar, but it takes as long as it takes. Unedited, as usual, is lazy.

Ace,

Sanis


	19. Blood and Ink

I followed Christian into the room. I'm not sure how he got the door open, but he did. I thought I saw a flash of silver, so maybe he just stole the key.

Well, he probably stole the key.

"Coming? He asked in a normal level voice.

I raised my eyebrows, it didn't seem like such a good idea to me to make a lot of noise, especially with a temperamental blonde sleeping not too far away, but he didn't seem to mind.

I was not going to be one upped by a _boy_.

So I followed him into the dark room. It smelled like her.

I suppose I was waiting for something a little more climatic when he just strutted over to her bedside table, pulled open the top drawer and took out a brown leather clad journal.

It was oddly disappointing.

But, he just strode back out of the room, journal in hand. I suppose I was expecting some sort of battle of wills or ninja technique, but no. Just a snatch and grab.

Sometimes the simplest plans are best, I suppose.

I followed him again, this time out of the room. And I couldn't help wondering why I had even bothered to come in the first place. Clearly my presence was unnecessary.

Cocky bastard.

He waited for me in the hallway and I made a point to walk slowly, just in case he thought I was afraid.

I expected him to tease me with the thing, but he handed it over with a flourish and a smile.

"Have a nice night," he said with a hint of warning.

"Thank you," I said in reply. "I will."

8:8:8:8:8:8:8

I went down to my chambers in the quiet. It was unnatural. Usually Police Girl made some sort of racket, even in her sleep. It was almost cute really.

Almost.

Well, to get down to business.

I poured myself a glass of blood. Police Girl always said that it was still blood, if you drank it from a wine glass or a bucket, but I still like to appreciate of the beauty of the things around me.

I sat down in my chair, but it didn't feel right, so I got up and rearranged myself in my coffin, sans coat and tie.

It felt good, more right somehow, to be reading her personal thoughts in the peace of my own resting place.

I wondered idly if this was an omen.

Then, I opened to the first page. I didn't really want to. First impressions of me are rarely good.

The entries didn't appear to be numbered. Typical Integra.

_My life has taken an unexpected turn. I am a murderer, a master, a disciple and a knight. Here lie the experiences of one Integra Hellsing. May its contents never be boring._

_Once upon a time a little girl was abandoned by her father and she was scared and alone…she waited for a knight in shining armor, but she got a demon from hell instead. The little girl made do with this and together they had many bloody adventures, the first of many being the infamous massacre of Hellsing's tyrants and rats, the betrayers of the headship…_

Well, if that was her first impression, I had to admit, I was even a bit impressed by myself as well. I skipped ahead until he found something besides a history that I already knew.

_I find myself oddly attracted to the vampire, Alucard, if that is indeed his name. I do not yet know if this is his real name, or merely some pseudonym. If spelled backwards it is indeed Dracula, however he seems less than royalty so far. He has been both crass and uncouth._

_But, dear journal, he saved my life. For that I am indebted to him, servant or no. A life is concerned, mine is of value to me. He chose me, I think, as a worthy Master. Otherwise his arm would not have shot up to defend me as it did._

_For that, I am grateful. _

_The attraction I speak of is less sexual and more….drawn, I suppose. He makes me want to go to him. I want to be near him, to learn his ways. I want to know his opinions and his feelings…_

_I have yet to discover if he really has either._

Ouch, that comment did hurt. But, that attraction she spoke of. It was not something I created. That was her own desire…and that was interesting.

I skipped ahead again.

_I watched Alucard truly feed for the first time today. It was oddly…erotic. If not for him, then for me. He was so tender with the victim, almost as if he cherished her….like a special gift. I thought it was so unlike him, but it seemed to come so naturally. I must admit, I wanted for a split second, to be that woman…to just once be treasured like that for a moment._

_Although, these emotions have been easy to quash. I recently learned why he was put into the dungeons to rot. It was because he tried to seduce my late mother. Walter had said it had been a big joke, but when my father found out, he was furious. I don't know why he cared so much. Someone ought to seduce her, father was always a womanizer. He never paid her any real attention to my recollection. I'm sure Alucard would make a completely satisfactory lover. _

This both surprised me and took me off guard. Typically I would prefer her to think of me as her lover, not her mother's…but at least she thought me capable, I suppose. More skipping was necessary. This entry was towards the back, possibly from the past few days.

_Alucard is a complete abomination, but I am fond of him. Oh, sometimes I fantasize about killing him, who wouldn't? But he has the most surprising tendency to be decent at the most depressing of times, and for that I am obliged. How could I be the Iron Maiden if I have no one to hold me in check?_

_He was so kind to me when I first woke up a decade in the past. When he entered my mind….it could have been much worse. I could feel how softly he treaded. For a moment I was one of his victims, but he still treated me as the Master._

_That is the thing I haven't figured out about Alucard. He has had many chances to kill me, and yet he always comes through for me in the end. What sort of crazed desperate vampire tactic is that? Perhaps he is fonder of me then he lets on. Perhaps._

_He has truly been invaluable to me. Without him, Hellsing would have fallen apart in the hands of a child. He turned me into a strong woman, one that my father would have been proud of…well, if I were a son... Truly I rely on Alucard, not only as a servant, but a pillar of strength. I am grateful that he shall never know of it._

That's where I stopped. It was what I wanted to know. Reading anymore would be an invasion of privacy.

Well, an unnecessary invasion of privacy.

I closed the book. This was no longer something I needed to be privy to.

I rose from my coffin and made my way upstairs.

She did suspect that my servitude was not as…miserable as it should have been. But she did not seem to suspect that I wanted anything from her aside from a loose companionship.

But I did want more. Much more. And I was willing to go to great lengths to get it.

I walked as Christian had done, not because I had to, but because it gave me something to do. I walked into her room, phasing through her door…I didn't have any stolen keys.

She was still sleeping. She looked so beautiful, so much more treasured than anything else in my life.

Once upon a time I wanted to spend the rest of my days on this earth with Mina….now I know better.

I went over and let my gloved hand graze her hair. It blended into the pillow, in the same shade of moonlight that was piercing the room's dark.

I wanted her. I wanted her as more than flesh. I wanted her very soul…and I wanted her to have mine.

"Alucard?" she asked, making me jump and drop her journal. Her voice didn't sound sleepy at all.

"Yes," I asked, knowing I'd been caught.

Her eyes opened at once, making instant contact with my own.

"Have you been pilfering through things that don't belong to you?" she asked, even lying below me she was the Master. Her brow furrowed in displeasure.

"Not very much," I replied softly.

Her eyes flickered to the journal where it lay on the floor.

A/N – Three chapters, two days. Pretty decent timing. I guess I have a rough plan where this is going. Now…to extract revenge on the Protestant Knights and restore Integra's womb.

Ace,

Sanis.


	20. The End and Start

Vampires I would handle. Werewolves and demons and Catholics, I could handle. I had even come out on top when dealing with rogue butlers a time or two…

But this was something new entirely, and it was more gruesome then I could have ever anticipated.

A baby.

It was small and awful. It screamed and hollered, it would screw up its little face make noises worthy of waking the dead. It was forever eating and if it wasn't eating it was sleeping.

And it was exhausting. I am no stranger to hard work, there have been weeks where the only sleep I've gotten has been the short amount of time I've succumb to the sweet darkness that always waits on the edge when a battle is raging all around you and blood is seeping through a hole in your side and your damned vampire is so busy defending his fledging that he hasn't noticed you've been nearly hacked in half…but I'm not bitter.

Life has been strange to me. After losing my memory…revenge on the Order was good. It took a long to complete, but it was worth it. You see, I can justifiably kill anything… as long as it's supernatural in a sense, so I had wanted to make them all into vampires and fill them with three Cheshire church crosses full of bullets….that was frowned upon by many of my peers.

In the end it was quite simple. Christian (my mystery man) helped me with the perfect nefarious plot. You see, during my abduction I was to be given several injections. In addition to the one that was given to me, there was one in particular that caught my attention. It was a hormone injection to make sure that the pregnancy took. Have you ever wondered what happens to a man when he is given mass amounts of female estrogen, etc? It makes the body compensate by creating more testosterone and it the end the boy suffers greatly. It develops breasts and causes extreme emotions, all the while the while the testosterone inflated blood in the veins and makes them explode. You slowly bleed to death.

It's nothing that they wouldn't have done to me, and I sleep soundly at night…or I would if I didn't have this damnable child.

It is beyond me how people want these things…or how I could have ever been one. I'm sure there was never a time that I was complacent to deprecating in my own pants, and yet this one does it multiple times a day. It's disgusting and it's unhappy…at least it has that redeeming feature. If it was happy about its lot I might just toss it.

Christian is the father. It was an agreeable arrangement. There was, of course, no real intercourse. We simply did the same procedure that he was originally hired to do. Since then he has enjoyed a rather successful relationship with Seras Victoria.

I, on the other hand, am forever joined with the equivalent of an old man until my death. I am referring, of course, to the baby. It is bald and fat and it completely despises me. Everyone else adores the thing, which is fine by me. It's free babysitters, after all. They assure me that I too would fall in love with the little mess if I cared to, but I don't really care too. I do not to love anything else, things loved are the equivalent of sand to slip through lose fingers…you can never hold onto them long enough.

"Let go," Alucard will tell me. He loves it more than anyone. It's interesting to watch a creature of darkness toss an infant up into the air and then make goodly faces at it like an idiot.

I fear I am forever the iron maiden, never to be able to 'let go.' The worst part is that I don't find it to be a harsh punishment.

"Integra," said a dark smoky voice. "Are you watching little Sabien?"

"What's too watch? I'm sure it is fine, it's not like it's going to walk away."

Alucard looked at me strangely. "Have you fed him?" he asked as if I were a small child.

"No."

He looked at me for a long moment. "You have to feed them Integra."

"I'm not an idiot Alucard, I've just been busy"

"Alright," he said, ignoring her response, and pulled out a bottle. "Watch."

He made great exaggerated movements and he moved the baby around and leaned it back so it could drink. Then he lowered the bottle to the baby's mouth and it began to suckle.

I was not born yesterday.

"I'm hardly impressed Alucard," I said with a small upturn of my nose. "After all, babies really aren't so different from vampires, are they?"

I watched the expression on his face change from smug to curious.

"Kindly explain, Master."

"Well, it's obvious," I said, more patronizing than was absolutely necessary. Alucard's eyes narrowed. "Babies need constant feeding, they require mass amounts of attention, they're rather a nuisance and they will simply suck the life out of you….In short, Alucard, they are exactly like you."

Alucard smiled. "Do you not love your child, Integra, despite those reasons?"

"I do."

"Then is there no hope for me?"

I laughed out loud. He was more and more the jester these days.

"There is no hope," I confirmed, "as long as you have the Police Girl, you will not need another companion."

"You love your son, Integra," he said with more of a disappointed air than first anticipated. "Why do you begrudge me my daughter?"

I smiled.

"Do you think I am unaware of why you have been moping about all these months?" I asked bitterly?

"Perhaps?" he asked hopefully.

"Ever since Seras and Christian have become cozy you've been all shoddy and recluse," I accused. "It doesn't the Queen to solve the puzzle."

"I have," he said slowly. "I think you misunderstand, Integra." I noted he would not look up from the baby, my little Sabien. It seemed like the child was everyone's but mine.

"I wonder if this child will be a good ruler." It worked; he looked up at me at the change in topic.

"Would you consider yourself a ruler Integra?" he asked.

I thought about it, it was more a slip of the tongue than anything. It took me a moment to answer, and as I tried to come up with an answer the only thoughts in my mind were that I was wasting time with Alucard when real work had to be done.

"Yes, over a very small domain," I answered hesitantly. "And, honestly servant, I think this wisp of a person had overthrown me without the slightest effort….I never learned to fight something powerless or without will…I feel just like I did after I first lost my memory. Defenseless and stupid."

He looked at me as the baby finished the bottle and he began to burp it.

"What?" he asked, plainly lost in what he would call my 'crazy woman fanatics.'

"You love this child because it is mine," I said in explanation. "Christian loves it because it is his and Seras loves it because you love it and it is Christians.''

He sighed, waiting for me to get to a point.

"Don't you see Alucard?" I asked. "I can't love this child because it has undermined me! It has, in a matter of months, earned the love, loyalty and affections that have taken me years to muster!"

"It's a baby Integra."

"IT'S MY BABY!" I yelled, not even sure why I was losing my composure. "HOW CAN EVERY BLOODY ONE OF YOU EXPECT ME TO LOVE SOMETHING THAT I AM GOING TO TRAIN TO BE A MONSTER JUST LIKE ME? HOW CAN I LEARN TO LOVE IT WHEN I WILL HAVE TO KILL ALL THE PARTS OF IT THAT ARE WORTH LOVING?"

The baby started to cry. Alucard put it down in the rocking cradle near him.

"There will be parts worth loving." He said softly. "You father raised you, he loved you, and there are still parts worth loving."

My chest felt empty and tired. "If there are, I am well unaware of them."

"I'm not."

"Shut up," I snapped.

"I think that you may be an idiot, Master," Alucard said dryly.

I looked hard at the papers, still unfinished on my desk.

"You've got it all wrong anyway," he said with his arms crossed, one foot rocking the cradle. "I am not pining after Seras because she's with Christian, your child is not your undoing and will not be anything less than wonderful, and you are worth someone's affection."

"If you're not in love with Seras then why have you been moping around this whole time?"

"I think you are missing the basic point here." He smiled at the wall. "However, if the woman you desired was having a child with another man, wouldn't you mope around, Integra?"

I was aghast. "What?"

"You had to have seen this coming," he said with a smile. "Anyway, Sabien won't be evil. At most he'll be a pampas ass."

"What?" I repeated.

He looked at me as if I were dense. "Honestly, Integra, how many monsters do you think will be left by the time he's allowed to take over?"

"There is always someone left to fight," I replied.

"I'll always be good for a brawl," he said as if it were a punch line. I frowned. "Until you're sick of fighting and ready for something more challenging, Master."

He was leading and I was finally ready to follow.

"I think a change…is necessary." I said slowly. "I'm not happy Alucard…I don't even find work as satisfying anymore."

He looked at me hard. "You're dense."

"You're evil."

"Touché."

"I'm not that dense, Alucard."

"Then what are you?"

"Frightened."

Alucard turned his head sharply towards her from the wall. "Me too."

There was a long silence.

"I like to be frightened."

"Me too."

"I'm not sure I'm ready for this."

"I can't wait the see the look on Police Girl's face."

"Sabien will have severe psychological issues."

"I want this Alucard."

"Me too."

A/N This is the final chapter. Thought I'd post it so you guys know what happen. Hope you enjoyed! Contact me with questions, and most of all REVIEW. Please and thank you.


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